Heavenly Honeymoons--Advice and Tips for That Perfect Getaway!

Getting married is one of the most anticipated and exciting times of your life. And your honeymoon can be the most exciting and romantic trip you will ever take, since it represents a celebration of your love, your new marriage, and the lifetime commitment you have made. How do you get that "perfect" honeymoon? As with everything else that involves marriage, it is vitally important that you talk with your future spouse. Communication between partners is absolutely essential in a strong and enduring marriage--whether it be about financial decisions, the in-laws, or raising the kids. That communication channel can begin with the planning of the wedding ceremony and certainly with the decisions concerning the honeymoon.

Finding out what your future spouse has for honeymoon expectations and matching them with yours is a good place to begin when planning a honeymoon. Do you want to go around the block, or around the world? Do you want the honeymoon to be exciting and adventurous or lazy and relaxing? Do you want to save money, or really splurge on a big ticket vacation? Do you want sunshine or snow? (Hawaii or the Canadian Rockies) Do you want to marry in the same place you plan to honeymoon? Answering these questions can help insure that your honeymoon will fulfill your wildest dreams.

Remember, the best reason for a honeymoon is to rest, relax and regroup after the stresses and rigors of planning and conducting your wedding. The peace of mind which it can bring is worth every penny. Even if you are already living together, you will need to get away and relax after all the work you have done to get to this point. Do not treat your honeymoon like another vacation; it is a very special time! A time to bond, to set new directions, lay out goals as a married couple, and to renew your romance.

According to ancient traditions, the word "honeymoon" is based upon the practice of newlyweds drinking mead, called bride ale, which was produced from fermented honey. This beverage was consumed during the first month (and therefore "moon") of marriage. The fermented drink supposedly increased virility and fertility and, consequently, the first month of marriage was referred to as the honeymoon. It is only within the last 50-60 years, however, that honeymoons have gained wide popularity. With so-called "honeymoon destinations" emerging--Cancun, Hawaii, the Caribbean, Tahiti, Italy, Las Vegas, New Orleans--these post-wedding trips offered ordinary citizens a taste of what it was like to be wealthy. Chances are good that honeymoons are here to stay.

Romance is not just roses and candles. If you are adventurous newlyweds there a many ways to enliven your honeymoon. Scuba diving, snowmobiling, parasailing, skydiving, or couples' bungee jumping are a few of the ways to spice up your honeymoon and return home with unforgettable memories of that golden getaway.

An important word of advice: don't be afraid to mention the fact that you will be honeymooning when you're making reservations for a restaurant, hotel, or cruise. Announce it when you arrive. Tell everyone! You're happy and you're in love. Special accommodations and gifts, ranging from upgraded rooms to flowers or free champagne are often given to honeymooners.

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About the Author

Larry Denton is a retired history teacher having taught 33 years at Hobson High in Hobson, Montana. He is currently Vice President of Elfin Enterprises, Inc., an Internet business dedicated to providing useful information and valuable resources on a variety of timely topics. For a cruise ship full of information, resources and advice about honeymoons, visit http://www.HoneyMoonHaven.com

Save the Marriage Alone: Where Do You Begin?

Do you know what's missing in YOUR marriage? You want to save your marriage, but you're not sure where to begin. Keep reading to find out the first and most critical step to take when saving your marriage...

Divorce used to be viewed as a sign that you had "failed" at marriage. But in today's society for many people, they see divorce as a sign of freedom. Even those who would consider themselves to be religious and see divorce as being "unholy", are now getting a divorce because it has become more socially acceptible than ever before.

The next generation of children are growing up in broken homes. Instead of dealing with normal issues like puberty and other social issues, children are now faced with parents who start a new life and even a new family of their own.

But most couples don't know any better.

We are all raised to believe that it's simply "tradition" to have a big wedding with lots of people, go on a luxurious honeymoon and then go on your merry way being..well..married.

Many couples actually feel pressured from their very own family members to have a big wedding. Then once the wedding and honeymoon are over, the couple is faced with a large amount of debt from their elaborate celebration.

The first couple years of marriage are usually relatively painless, but as time goes on, the couple starts to get back into their normal routines and eventually they stop meeting each other's "Ultimate Expectations".

Why? Simply because they didn't realize they were meeting them in the first place! The downward spiral that leads to divorce begins when one spouse becomes more discontent than the other. And that's when resentment sets in...along with that "little voice inside your head".

You know the one.

It's the one that says, "Why should I have dinner ready when he gets home, what has he done for ME lately? He comes home, flips on the TV and that's it...no quality time like we used to have!"

...or...

"Why can't she just leave me alone sometimes? I just want to come home and just relax! But all she wants to do is talk, talk talk. I need some peace and quiet for once!"

The big problem is that couples don't realize they're on the "Secret Path to Divorce" until it's too late...usually when one spouse brings up the "D" word or says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".

And that's when I get the call...or in most cases..the email. Most people want to know if their spouse has reached the "Point of No Return". They desperately need to know if there is any hope left for their marriage.

And I don't blame them! When you're struggling with uncertainty, hanging on just a thread of hope, divorce may start sounding appealing for the mere fact that you won't have to worry anymore!

But I don't want you to give up hope just yet.

I've pulled marriages out of divorce court as a judge put a hold on the proceedings insisting that the couple get some help first before they go on with the divorce.

The couples end up tearing up their divorce papers.

I say this to you, not as a promise, but as an indication that anything can happen while the "divorce machine grinds up it's marriages".

So what now?

Well, since it's nearly impossible for me to give you useful advice to help you save your marriage. You can visit http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com to read a wide variety of articles and free advice on marriage that can help you understand what went wrong in your marriage and what you can do about it.

Many couples ask me what the first step is in healing a marriage.

While many books and self help authors have led you to believe that you need to "do good...and then you'll feel good."

(An example of this would be establishing some sort of "touch" with your spouse to try to obtain a physical connection between the two of you. This may mean holding their hand or rubbing their back.)

In reality, there is one huge, gaping hole in this theory.

In one word...contempt.

That's right.

All couples struggling in their marriage experience contempt in one form or another. Hurtful things are said that only add to the resentment and anger already present in the marriage.

Chances are, if you were to attempt to hold your spouses' hand, they would view it as an insincere gesture.

At this point, your spouse is thinking, "too little, too late. If you wanted to hold my hand, you would've done it a long time ago. You've haven't fulfilled my needs for a long time and now it's too late."

So what is the first step you ask?

You need to "feel good FIRST...and THEN do good."

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About the Author

If you're wondering, "how can I save the marriage alone", get free marriage advice and a free 30 minute consultation to learn how you can "feel good first, and then do good". Once again, that's http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com I hope to talk to you soon.

4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 3

Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 3 of 4.

You are reading the third installment in a series of four articles about rules of marriage. Each rule is designed to move a couple toward better relating and more harmony. If you have missed any in the series, you can find them at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html

Rule 3: Be Kind and Loving

This is a rule that definitely needs some clarification. I don't mean that you have to have warm, gushy feelings toward your spouse at all times. That is not, unfortunately, possible. And I don't mean you won't act in unkind ways toward your spouse. That will happen from time-to-time.

At the same time, I have seen couples treat each other as if they were worst of enemies. There was no sense of "you and me, in this together." Instead, there was a strong sense of "you versus me." And with that comes the undermining of the marriage. A marriage is the decision by two people to come together and act as a unit, be a team, become one.

Yet we often find ourselves responding to spouses in ways that we would never dream about acting toward a friend. I almost named this rule "be civil," because I have said that to so many couples. They will sit in my office and be nice toward me, then rude and unkind toward their spouse, and I would admonish them to "be civil."

Being civil would be level one. The next level is to actually be kind and loving. Which raises the question "how can I be kind and act loving when I am angry? How can I pretend feel love when I don't?"

That, in my mind, is a misunderstanding of what love is about. I use the word "love" as an action verb. Love is something I do, not something I feel. Actions are loving. This is, in fact, one of the major constructs of all the major religions: act lovingly toward those you don't like. In other words, our major religions are noting the potential to act in loving ways toward even our enemies, much less those we love.

I place the action of love in a marriage into two categories. The first is kindness. That would be defined as acting in kind ways -- not calling names, demeaning, insulting, or hurting. Instead, kindness would call for being supportive, caring, concerned.

Loving actions add another layer by asking "what does my spouse need from me in order to feel loved?" We all have a need for love, and by meeting our spouse's needs, we secure the relationship.

The Golden Rule is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The Golden Rule of Love takes that one step further: "love others as they need to be loved." What makes me feel loved does not make you feel loved, and vice versa. So we strive to act in loving ways, but in loving ways that make sense to the other person.

Unfortunately, our tendency, when we don't feel loved, is to refuse to act lovingly. This creates a vicious cycle, and in the end, both feel unloved. Which leads to either acting on automatic or choosing our relationship destiny. On automatic, we run the vicious cycle.

But we can choose to act counter to that. We can choose to act lovingly, even if we do not feel loved at that moment. We choose to act in loving ways because the emotion is absent.

Here is the irony: when we do loving actions, we feel loving emotions. When we wait for the emotions to act lovingly, we get stalled. But by acting lovingly, we begin to nurture our own emotional state. Think back on how you fell in love. Sure, there was likely an initial attraction. But the love came because you did loving actions toward each other. Likely, you chose bigger and bigger actions to express your growing emotions. The emotion of love, put simply, is nurtured by the action of loving. The reverse is not true.

Thus, rule #3 is "be kind and act lovingly." This puts us back into the driver's seat of our relationship's destiny. We take control back from our emotional state, and make a choice on the direction to take.

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About the Author

Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.

4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 2

Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.

The last article focused on the approach of not taking everything personally (article is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html) But there are several more rules that can help you with your marriage. The next rule is an internal understanding that will transform your external actions.

Rule 2: Honor Your Commitment

This rule may seem obvious, but it isn't always reflected in our actions toward our spouse. You see, our commitment, our promise to be together through it all, is the cement of marriage. We often underestimate the importance of commitment in our throw-away, disposable culture.

Yet powerful psychological shifts happen in a marriage as a result of commitment. Think back to your wedding vows. Most of us took a vow to stay together regardless of how our lives are going. We promise to "hang in there," through thick-and-thin, regardless of how our emotions are running at any particular time.

Think for a moment about the power of knowing that someone makes a promise to get through any difficulty with you. That completely frees you up to work on the relationship, to resolve your difficulties, because at the end of the day, you will be together.

In other words, commitment is the glue of a marriage. In fact, while we may center marriages on lots of other ideals or attributes, this is the one that carries the day. Center a marriage on happiness, and when there is a period that lacks in happiness, there is no foundation. Center a marriage of great sex, and when they fails, there is no safety net. Center a marriage on any particular goal, and when that goal is met (money, kids, careers, etc.), there isn't anywhere to go. But commitment is a continual event, and one that we can maintain by our own choice.

Don't get me wrong. I recognize this is easier said than done, but isn't that the point? Marriage is about consciously choosing the direction of the relationship, rather than being blown by external events and expectations.

Which leads me to one of the implications for this rule: don't threaten to leave or divorce in the midst of conflict. I have seen far too many couples where the basic level of trust between them has been eroded by threats of divorce or one leaving for a period of time.

The effect of this is to undermine the glue of commitment. It basically creates the message that as long as things are going well, you will stay around. But when things get tough, you change the rules and decide to leave. That is not an environment conducive to working out a relationship. It means that one or both people are always on guard of being left.

It reminds me of a book I recently saw in the bookstore on wedding vows. The author, I think with the best of intentions, stated her belief that vows need to be changed to reflect the "temporary nature of marriages." She suggested that a promise could be made "as long as we love each other," or "as long as we want to be together" as a substitute for "as long as we both shall live." That is not a vow! That is basically a statement that "I promise to stay with you until I decide not to." There is not a lot of stability to build upon.

When we make a vow, we assume we have some control over the outcome. If I commit to staying in a marriage, I have control over that. When things get difficult, I can continue to rely on the fact that I made a promise, and therefore, I will work it out.

Which brings me to the second major implication of this rule: a marriage built on commitment means that both people can relax into the marriage and drop the basic fear that the other person is going to leave. By relax, I don't mean "let it go, but rather a realization that fear is not necessary. In fact, it gives me full ownership of the relationship. I am responsible for my half of the commitment, and must make it work for myself and for my spouse. And if both people are willing to focus on the commitment, the reverse is also happening.

So today, make a decision to be committed in your relationship. Don't avoid the commitment, but embrace it as the direction through difficulty. Take a look in the mirror and see someone taking responsibility for your half of the marriage staying together for as long as your vows suggested.

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About the Author

Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.

4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 1

Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.

How is your marriage doing? Are you and your spouse where you want to be, or are you wanting to improve upon your situation? Marital advice can be found many place, but true help for your marriage can be rare. This series of four articles is designed to give you advice from my years as a therapist. Hopefully, you will find the advice practical for helping you save or improve your relationship. I'll skip the theory and go straight to help.

Rule 1: Don't Take Everything Personally

Just yesterday, I was speaking to a couple that illustrated this point. The wife said that if she walked in and said "the sky is certainly blue today," her husband would immediately jump up and say "It's not my fault!"

Part of the difficulty with marriage is that we are in close proximity with the same person for extended periods of time.

We are well-acquainted with the idiosyncracies of that person. And over time, we find shortcuts to communication -- some good and some destructive.

In fact, we do arguments by shortcut, and this generally involves taking things personally. I remember working with a couple that showed this.

They entered into my office in good moods, but told me how arguments never get resolved. I asked for an example.

They looked at each other, and the woman turned to me and said "the lawnmower." With two words, they launched into an angry response with each other! The tide turned sharply, and I suddenly had two people furious with each other.

They took the shortcut to their conflict. And with it, they took the conflict personally.

My first rule of marriage is to not take everything personally.

If a spouse is in a bad mood, don't assume that it is your fault. In fact, you are probably better off assuming it is not you.

We all have some insecurity over our spouse loving us, even in the best of marriages, so when the spouse seems distant or angry, we tend to fear it is about us.

The problem is that when we assume it is personal, we tend to respond in defensive ways. Back to my couple and the blue sky: since he took his wife's comments personally, he was always responding with defensive anger.

The problem with that is it triggered his wife's anger because she took what he said personally.

Suddenly, there was a communication loop that was going back-and-forth between them, escalating the frustration and anger. When that happened, nothing positive was possible.

Rather, they began to assume the worst about the other person and the relationship. Isn't it interesting that when they started with taking things personally, it led to a loss of faith in the relationship? Now, there is a corollary to this rule:

"Take some things personally." Some pop-psychology has gone to an extreme and said "take nothing personally."

But sometimes, we need to hear what our spouse has to say. When a spouse says something critical, harsh, or angry, we can do several things. First, we could ignore it. But over and over, I have heard spouses at the end of a marriage say "why didn't you do something when I told you about this long ago?"

In other words, their spouse ignored some important feedback for so long, it destroyed the relationship (or at least contributed).

Many times, a spouse, at the very end, tries to make the necessary changes, but it happens months or years too late. So, ignoring it won't work. Second, we can respond to everything.

This can be the epitome of taking everything personally. When a spouse seems angry, this person would immediately try to find some way of reducing the anger.

If a spouse says something critical, this spouse would immediately try to change it. Unfortunately, this creates an extremely destructive pattern where one becomes responsible for the emotional state of the spouse, and therefore for the future of the marriage.

Third, and the best option: we assume our spouse's emotional state is not as a result of us. But, we assess whether what our spouse says has merit. In other words, we don't take everything personally, but are open to consider that we may need to change. Using the third option, we start with a less reactive posture. But we don't build a wall that keeps out all suggestions. Instead, we consider the truth of suggestions or complaints made by a spouse, and make changes where necessary.

This could be thought of as a proactive (rather than reactive) stance.

We seek to change what we need to change, but without assuming that everything needs to change.

When we choose to not take everything personally, we regain our own health, and help to restore the help of the relationship. So, seek to not take everything personally, but don't make the mistake of taking nothing personally.

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About the Author

Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.

Visit Save the Marriage at http://www.savethemarriage.com for the best-selling ebook. Or for podcasts to help you with your marriage, go to http://www.MarriageMoment.com

Straight-forward Advice on Marriage that WORKS!

Get advice on marriage from someone who has EXPERIENCED a terrible marriage and turned it around after 27 years. This advice is 100% effective because it’s been PROVEN to work!

Lets face it; if youre looking for advice on marriage, you could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even scratching the surface of all the marriage advice thats out there.

But the sad fact is, thats what most people in your situation dothey RESEARCHbut never ACT on the concepts and ideas they learn about because they come up with excuses for why THEIR situation is DIFFERENT.

Well let me tell you.your situation is NOT different. And as EXTREME as MY marriage wasmy situation was NOT different either

So why am I qualified to give YOU advice on marriage? Because I managed to save my marriageon my ownafter 27 years of fighting, car chases and battles over her way vs. my way.

Our marriage was as bad as it gets.

You see, I married my COMPLETE OPPOSITE. In fact, youd think we were from different planets if you compared our habits, values, priorities and temperaments and thats before you take into account our male/female differences.which brings me to one of the best pieces of advice on marriage that I can give you

1. LEARN THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES

When I discovered this critical bit of advice on marriage, it really opened my eyes as to EXACTLY what made my wife happy. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do!

Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Live Languages, makes it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel lovedand what they need from you!

When I found out what made my wife feel lovedI was SHOCKED!

She wanted acts of service of all things! I thought that since I liked words of affirmationthat she would too!

I hated doing acts of service (a.k.a. chores around the house, gardening and repairs) and thats exactly why I wasnt meeting her needs! I didnt realize what I was doing wrong until I read this book.

which reminds meheres another great piece of advice on marriage you need to keep in mind...

Many couples make the BIG mistake of treating their spouse the way they WISH their spouse would treat THEM!

In other words, smothering your spouse in hugs and kisses isnt going to make him/her want to hug/kiss YOU more if what they actually need from YOU is acts of service like taking out the trash or cleaning the house!

If you want to improve your marriage and have your spouse meet your needs, by meeting theirs FIRST, I highly recommend this book. You can find it at: http:www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/gary.html

Now Ive never seen anyone talk about this last piece of advice on marriage, so pay close attention

2. YOU CANT IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE IT FIRST

Many people search for the recipe for a happy marriage, in a quest for a simple LIST of things they can go do and then simply check the items off of their list.

But unfortunately, thats not how REAL married life works. I could give you a long list of advice on marriage that would improve your relationship, but that list wont do you any good. If youre like most married couples, you wont act on ANY advice on marriage until you first feel like doing it FIRST.

Telling you to go do something to improve your marriage is NOT going to make a difference in your relationship when you resent your spouse and feel SO negative that you cant even bring yourself to do it!

The key is actually FEELING LIKE doing something positive for your marriageand THEN doing it.

Believe me; its MUCH easier to do something nice for your spouse when youre feeling optimistic about your marriagethan it is to force yourself to be the first one to take a step towards a better marriage.

Now I know what youre thinking. How do I get to the point where I FEEL LIKE doing something to improve my marriage? Im so frustrated with my spouse right now!

Well, Im glad you asked. I offer a FREE mini-course on How to Overcome Your Negative feelingsthe Moment they Appear. If youre at all interested, keep reading so you can get started on the mini-course right away

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About the Author

Larry Bilotta’s FRE.E 7-day email course shows you how to quickly and easily eliminate your negative thoughts, STOP dwelling on your problems and START feeling better about yourself. Just go to http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/selfesteem.html

Where To Go For Sound Marriage Advice

I feel upset every time I hear someone giving counter productive and ridiculous advice about marriage. I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage, but I can still tell if the advice I’m hearing is good information or pure nonsense. Marriage advice is available to those who need it, but sadly, a lot of it is no good. Even the most qualified professional can give tainted marriage advice because they may have their own agenda.

A friend of mine is pretty much at the end of her marriage. She’s very devoted to her religious roots, and has made every effort to save her marriage. The problem is that all the marriage advice and counseling that she has received from different people for over four years has not helped her marriage. I find myself getting upset whenever she shares the marriage advice she has received with me.

If you belong to a church, you should probably go to your pastor or priest for marriage advice. However, you still have to consider the source, even if these people can be great sources for advice and counseling. You see, unless someone is in danger, they will never tell you that perhaps the entire affair was a mistake to begin with. It is quite obvious to me that my friend is in a hopeless situation, but her pastor will not tell her this. The marriage advice he gives will urge her to remain with her husband, unless her life is threatened.

What I’m trying to say is that you should take marriage advice and counseling from more than one source. Move on if you don’t like what you are hearing. If you find someone who tells you that a wife should bow down and be miserable for the sake of her husband, then that person is not seeing both sides. And if a woman counselor seems to be bitter towards men in general, you are going to see this in the advice on marriage she gives. Try to think clearly about what someone is saying to you no matter how miserable you may be.

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About the Author

Morgan Hamilton offers expert advice and great tips regarding all aspects concerning Sound Marriage Advice. Visit our site for more helpful information about Sound Marriage Advice and other similar topics.

Catch Cheaters Using Software Technology

Technology and the presence of the Internet and other wireless or mobile communication devices within our culture have made the opportunity for cheating and infidelity increase significantly. E-mails, instant messengers, chats, forums, community-based (membership) web sites and mobile phones have made communication with a secret partner a very convenient task. People have become so comfortable using these technologies as catalyst to their covert relationship, but luckily for the victims of infidelity, the modern world of technology is a double-edged sword.

Most of these “cheaters” are so arrogant and naпve, they believe they can’t get caught, because of password protection and other privacy related conveniences that come with these technologies. Well, they better think again! Computer stores virtually every action that takes places on a pc, where data recovery experts, investigators and/or law enforcement can easily recover. However, these are expenses or not easily available solutions to the public. Fortunately, today there are so many powerful “spy” software programs like SpyAgent that can monitor ANY and ALL computer and Internet activity, recording IM conversations, outgoing and even incoming email and all web sites visited. Keystrokes and screen shots along with passwords can be easily captured, which makes catching a cheater a much easy and less expensive task then it was before.

Cheating Spouse Information
Shocking cheating spouse statistics and information.

The Internet has proven itself to be a common ground for a cheating spouse. If you suspect your husband or wife is having an affair, you are probably correct.

Take a look at these SHOCKING spouse spying statistics courtesy of usmarriagelaws.com.

85% of WOMEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct.
50% of MEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct.
70% of MARRIED WOMEN do not know about their spouses' affair.
54% of MARRIED MEN do not know about their spouses' affair.
Spouses and lovers have cheated throughout history. Only recently have affairs grown more common because of the Internet. Whether it is a cyber affair or a physical affair, the Internet plays a major role in almost EVERY affair.

The Internet is used in various ways by a cheating spouse. It can be used simply for communication between physical lovers to chat or plan dates. It can also be used as a tool for cyber affairs. A cyber affair is an affair in which all communication occurs via the Internet rather than through physical meetings. With cyber affairs, the Internet is typically used for sexual chats or simply to communicate between lovers.

Does your spouse seem eager to be at the PC when nobody else is around?

If so, then there's a good chance that they are doing something you wouldn't approve of. Too bad you can't setup a video camera right in front of the monitor to see what happens on the PC.

Well NOW you can do practically the same thing. Technology has now grown to combat these types of activities. Most people who have online affairs are not aware that what they do on their PC can be secretly recorded. Software such as AceSpy and InvisibleKeylogger can be loaded onto your PC, which is 100% invisible, and it will capture all the activity they perform while online.

This type of spy software is completely hidden from them, so they won't know it's running. Simply install the software, wait until they use the PC, then go back to the PC and enter a secret key sequence. A password box will popup. Type in your password and you will be able to view what they did!

Also available is spy software such as RemoteSpy and Realtime-Spy which can be installed simply by sending them an email. They will never know it loaded and you can monitor the PC from any web browser by logging into an interface showing you all of the cheating spouse activity.

Note: It is possible for anti-spyware or anti-keyloggers to catch your spy software, so be sure that your security programs are shut off or that your spy program is not detectable before running it.
By Luigi Di Serio and AceSpy.com

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About the Author

"Jack of all trades and master of none"... Luigi Di Serio is an ad hoc, freelance writer and web site developer who owns over 100 web sites! He holds a degree in Urban Planning and specializing in strategic business intelligence, security, espionage, sociology and human interactionism (including relationship).
www.diserio.com

Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is So Strong

Those who encounter infidelity often have a powerful need to know details of the extramarital affair. This article presents 6 reasons.

When you discover that your partner is immersed in infidelity, you may have a powerful need to know. You want to know the details. Maybe ALL the details. When? Where? How? How Often? What was it like? etc.

No. there is nothing wrong with you. In working intimately with hundreds of people like you, ravaged by an extramarital affair, the need to know is very common.

Here are six reasons why you might want to know.

1. The need for validation. If you tend to be intuitive, that is, soak in the signals from others around you and try to make sense of them, you may have this powerful urge to go back and find out what really happened.

Your partner says, "Yes, I was with him/her on that day." You think, "Oh yes, I remember having a feeling at that time, an awful feeling. Now I know what that was about." Or, "I asked you if you were having an affair and you denied it...or turned it back on me with your anger. I thought I was going crazy. Now I know I wasn't.

2. You question your adequacy (and who doesn't when confronted with marital infidelity) and a part of you wants to heal/change those thoughts and feelings.

And so, you venture into the comparative game and ask/think: "What did they do? Was he she better? What was he/she better at? What didn't I do or give? Where do I get stuck emotionally/sexually?"

Sexual interaction is a "window to the soul." Be kind to yourself when you compare. Learn. Often their sexual interaction leaves a lot to be desired. Know as well that your partner's inadequacies will shine just as brightly with the OP (other person) as with you.

3. How bad is it? You want to know what you are up against. What is the extent of the boundary violation? How deeply embedded is my partner in this web? Do I throw in the towel? Will it be possible for me to forgive? How long will this take? How long will I hang in there?

This question is important for the "I can't say no" and the "I don't want to say no" types of affairs. Infidelity behaviors worsen over time with these kinds of affairs. You want to know where in this process is your partner.

4. I get turned on. Yes, knowing the details for some is sexually arousing. Frequently, upon confession of the affair for a couple, there is a discharge of sexual energy.

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About the Author

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Common Relationship Problems

The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown in communication between the two partners. No matter what the issues are (money, infidelity, etc.), the real problem is that the two partners haven’t been talking openly to each other about their feelings.

This lack of communication is what makes the problems grow in the early stages and furthermore, what makes them hugely difficult to deal with in the end stages of the relationship. And essentially, whether couples go to workshops together, or therapy, or even answer the questions on a relationship quiz together, the real bottom line for any method is that the two people are talking to each other about their relationship.

Too often, talking to each other means fighting with each other. Relationship problems can’t be solved with yelling and screaming and the main purpose of a workshop, or a quiz or therapy is that there is something or someone there to prevent the yelling and screaming from taking over the process.

The therapist can be helpful if he or she does nothing more than to provide a safe, controlled atmosphere for the couple to talk calmly about their relationship problems. Obviously, if the therapist can make suggestions, comments and offer advice to the couple on how to better deal with each other, this will greatly benefit them and speed the healing process. By merely providing a forum for calm, orderly discussion, the therapist can move a couple off of the path towards a breakup or divorce and back into the realm of hope for the survival of the relationship.

The problems may come from any list – sex, money, quality time, control, outside influences, personal issues, infidelity, fear, listening to and supporting each other, but all of these problems can be addressed, perhaps not solved but at least addressed, through communication with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship problems will win out and the relationship itself must ultimately fail.

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About the Author

Relationships provides detailed information about online relationships, long distance relationships, relationship advice, relationship problems, relationship quizzes, interracial relationships, and more. For more information go to Relationships and/or visit its sister site at Troubled Teens Web for related information.

Infidelity Recovery for a Relationship: A HUGE Problem

Discover 3 huge barriers that inhibit couples recovering from infidelity to survive the extramarital affair and rebuild their marriage.

There is much information out there about the skills you need to rebuild a relationship after infidelity or other crisis.

But, there's a prior concern. Powerful emotional and cognitive (thinking) barriers exist that get in the way of using those skills.

Your intentions may be good, but eye-ball to eye-ball reality brings tension. The use of your new found skills evaporates and you shrink back to the negative patterns that create mistrust and distance.

Here's the problem: "How in the world do you and your partner get on the same page and begin remaking your relationship after the ton of hurt and distance you have experienced through the extramarital affair or other crisis?

I asked my clients to list 3-4 barriers that keep the two of you apart and stall the healing process.

I had over 9 pages of barriers that they listed. But, from that long I clearly was able to discern recurring themes. Below are listed 3 HUGE problems:

1. You try (very hard) but you don't get much. You ask questions. You probe. You want to know where he/she stands. You want more information. You want and need reassurance...but you don't get it. It seems that the more you try, the more He/she pulls away in his/her typical manner.

2. You back off. You are scared. You are cautious about what to say and do. You don't want to incite him/her. You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You watch and hope for some sort of indication that he/she wants the relationship. But... you are never sure. And...you feel the pain and tension internally. That's where it stays. You suffer quietly and alone.

3. Your eye is on the other person. You give him/her exorbitant power. You feel powerless to a greater or lesser degree. You hate this! You want to be your "self." But, feel stifled, unsure, broken and don't know what to say or do to break through the impasse. If only he/she would do something!

Does one of these make sense for you? Can you see yourself in this role?

Here's a simple exercise to help you move through this dilemma.

List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner's affair or crisis has for you. That is to say, what impact is the crisis having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc?

If you can begin sharing the personal impact of the crisis with your partner, you might experience less tension and beging seeing more progess.

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About the Author

Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: Break Free-From-the-Affair.com and Infidelity-help.com. Get articles and free downloads on emotional infidelity, coping with infidelity, the cheating spouse, signs of an affair, surviving infidelity and more.

Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is a Cop-out

Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”

These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.

Key points:

1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me do it” skit?

2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.

3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need ‘love 101’ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.

4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working. I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.

5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me. I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.

Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.

The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, go to: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

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About the Author

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627