Thursday, March 8, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
By Karl Augustine
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you're in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: "We both work too much!":
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the 'new' economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like roommates if both parties have 'time-consuming' careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: "You work, I stay home with the kids!":
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend "post work" functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work related schedules.
The spouse with the career may say at times, "Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.". The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, "You have another release, you have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time for myself.". If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: "I don't know why...there's just no spark left, you don't pay enough attention to me and our sex life and I guess I don't either!":
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both parties because both parties aren't happy sexually but don't really know why it ended up this way. Both parties have just "let things go" and didn't place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?
Sometimes there's a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there's certainly more types than listed here), remember that it is not unrecoverable. If you're to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you've lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don't know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did 'have the spark' and recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you can.
Karl Augustine
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Get FREE Chapters!
Sexless Marriage
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karl_Augustine
http://EzineArticles.com/?Does-Your-Sexless-Marriage-Have-You-Thinking-About-Divorce?&id=8360
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you're in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: "We both work too much!":
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the 'new' economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like roommates if both parties have 'time-consuming' careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: "You work, I stay home with the kids!":
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend "post work" functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work related schedules.
The spouse with the career may say at times, "Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.". The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, "You have another release, you have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time for myself.". If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: "I don't know why...there's just no spark left, you don't pay enough attention to me and our sex life and I guess I don't either!":
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both parties because both parties aren't happy sexually but don't really know why it ended up this way. Both parties have just "let things go" and didn't place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?
Sometimes there's a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there's certainly more types than listed here), remember that it is not unrecoverable. If you're to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you've lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don't know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did 'have the spark' and recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you can.
Karl Augustine
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Get FREE Chapters!
Sexless Marriage
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karl_Augustine
http://EzineArticles.com/?Does-Your-Sexless-Marriage-Have-You-Thinking-About-Divorce?&id=8360
Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage And Ways To Get Your Ex Back
By Steve Gee
The problem with the advice you get from most marriage guidance councillors is that it involves effort from both you and your partner. This is ok if both of you want to repair the relationship and avoid breaking up but what if your partner isn't interested in saving your marriage? You're unlikely to get the results you are looking for if this is the case but what if I could show you some ways to get your ex back even if your ex doesn't want to come back?
Relationships are great in the beginning
Relationships are often wonderful to start with. You are both fresh to each other and you're still discovering how great it can be together. As time goes by however, you get used to each other and if you don't keep doing new and exciting things to keep the interest levels up then there is a tendency for you to grow apart. Sooner or later one partner decides that they've had enough and leaves.
Wake up your marriage is failing
It's often the case that one partner suddenly wakes up at this point and realises what's happened, realises what's been happening for months or maybe even years without even noticing. Panic sets in at the thought of losing your loved one and you start to plead with your soon-to-be ex to change their mind. You pour out your heart to her and promise that all sorts of things will change.
Stop - You won't save your marriage by pleading
The last thing you should do is plead with your partner to change her mind because she won't, in fact you'll just make things worse. Don't make promises that you can't keep because she won't believe you anyway. I know that it's hard but you must take a step back from the situation and get on with your own life. Showing that you can live without her will actually draw her towards you. It's strange I know but it's true.
Get a life - you might be surprised by what happens
I remember a long time ago when my long-standing relationship was breaking up. We had drifted apart for many reasons and I'd tried very hard for a very long time to stop my partner from leaving. Nothing worked and I finally gave up when I realised that I'd be better off getting a life than trying desperately to hold on to one that was obviously going nowhere.
What happened next surprised the life out of me. I stopped pleading and I told her that I'd accepted that it was all over and that we should go our separate ways. I thought that was what she wanted but was I wrong? Now it was me who was the bad guy! I was the one breaking up the relationship not her and she wanted to get it back.
I'm afraid things had gone too far for me at this point and my ex's pleading simply pushed me further away but I can't help wondering what would have happened had I known this secret a lot earlier. We might still be together and happily married. If you understand this secret you could stop your divorce and save your marriage.
Unlock the secrets of saving your marriage and learn ways to get your ex back. Immediate results guaranteed!
Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage
http://this-info.com/stopdivorce/stopyourdivorcesaveyourmarriage.php
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Gee
http://EzineArticles.com/?Stop-Your-Divorce-Save-Your-Marriage-And-Ways-To-Get-Your-Ex-Back&id=437783
The problem with the advice you get from most marriage guidance councillors is that it involves effort from both you and your partner. This is ok if both of you want to repair the relationship and avoid breaking up but what if your partner isn't interested in saving your marriage? You're unlikely to get the results you are looking for if this is the case but what if I could show you some ways to get your ex back even if your ex doesn't want to come back?
Relationships are great in the beginning
Relationships are often wonderful to start with. You are both fresh to each other and you're still discovering how great it can be together. As time goes by however, you get used to each other and if you don't keep doing new and exciting things to keep the interest levels up then there is a tendency for you to grow apart. Sooner or later one partner decides that they've had enough and leaves.
Wake up your marriage is failing
It's often the case that one partner suddenly wakes up at this point and realises what's happened, realises what's been happening for months or maybe even years without even noticing. Panic sets in at the thought of losing your loved one and you start to plead with your soon-to-be ex to change their mind. You pour out your heart to her and promise that all sorts of things will change.
Stop - You won't save your marriage by pleading
The last thing you should do is plead with your partner to change her mind because she won't, in fact you'll just make things worse. Don't make promises that you can't keep because she won't believe you anyway. I know that it's hard but you must take a step back from the situation and get on with your own life. Showing that you can live without her will actually draw her towards you. It's strange I know but it's true.
Get a life - you might be surprised by what happens
I remember a long time ago when my long-standing relationship was breaking up. We had drifted apart for many reasons and I'd tried very hard for a very long time to stop my partner from leaving. Nothing worked and I finally gave up when I realised that I'd be better off getting a life than trying desperately to hold on to one that was obviously going nowhere.
What happened next surprised the life out of me. I stopped pleading and I told her that I'd accepted that it was all over and that we should go our separate ways. I thought that was what she wanted but was I wrong? Now it was me who was the bad guy! I was the one breaking up the relationship not her and she wanted to get it back.
I'm afraid things had gone too far for me at this point and my ex's pleading simply pushed me further away but I can't help wondering what would have happened had I known this secret a lot earlier. We might still be together and happily married. If you understand this secret you could stop your divorce and save your marriage.
Unlock the secrets of saving your marriage and learn ways to get your ex back. Immediate results guaranteed!
Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage
http://this-info.com/stopdivorce/stopyourdivorcesaveyourmarriage.php
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Gee
http://EzineArticles.com/?Stop-Your-Divorce-Save-Your-Marriage-And-Ways-To-Get-Your-Ex-Back&id=437783
Marriage- Divorce- Repeat- Marriage- Divorce- Repeat
By Alyssa Johnson
On the home page of my website I have a quote saying “Over 60% of re-marriages end in re-divorce.” I frequently get asked, “Why is the divorce rate higher?” People state confusion over this because they believe that since they’ve been divorced once before, they’ll know the danger signs to look for and they are more determined to have what they call a “successful” marriage.
All of that sounds good, but let’s look at what the realities are. The following are some of the most common reasons for a higher divorce rate in remarriage.
A remarriage has one of the same partners who were present in your last marriage. Most people don’t take the time to evaluate WHAT went wrong. They just assume the problem was the WHO. Unfortunately that’s not the case. It’s important to look at what happened to cause the marriage to deteriorate. While it’s tempting to assume that your ex-spouse was the problem, they weren’t 100% responsible. Without taking time to look at YOUR part in the marriage’s demise, you are destined to repeat the similar, if not the same, mistakes.
A divorce experience doesn’t suddenly reveal special awareness of relationship danger signs. Unfortunately, people jump into new relationships way too quickly after their divorce. They are not truly prepared to be in a committed relationship in the way that a new marriage requires. Most people are still reeling from the many changes and/or losses they experienced as a result of their divorce. Continuing to be wrapped up in what happened in your last marriage doesn’t build a stable foundation for a new marriage.
Remarriage commitment is less than in a first marriage. By being in a remarriage, it means one member of your couple has been married before. If the previous marriage ended in divorce that means a conscious decision was made to terminate the marriage. That’s a boundary which was crossed over. After that boundary is breached once, it is much easier to come to that conclusion again. Divorce isn’t an unknown entity. You may not have liked it but you endured it. Because of this, it becomes a more viable option than it did in a first marriage as soon as things get rough.
A step family is an unknown in our society. Step families are quickly becoming the most common family unit, but does anyone have a clue how they are supposed work? We still base our ideas of family on the old standard of a nuclear family (mom, dad, and their biological children.) A step family does NOT fit this mold. When new step families see that their family doesn’t come close to resembling what they expected, it’s common for them to start questioning their decision to remarry.
Divorce is painful. There’s no getting around it. You hurt, you ex-spouse hurts, and your children hurt. Rather than running to the altar because you’re “in love”, take time to step back and prepare. Don’t put yourself and your children through the pain of another divorce. Be wiser. Be a better partner rather than just looking for a better one.
Visit http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for a successful remarriage. I invite you to register today for your free 5 day e-course focusing specifically on other differences you will encounter in a remarriage versus your first marrige at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com/e-course.htm. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_Johnson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Marriage--Divorce--Repeat--Marriage--Divorce--Repeat&id=454928
On the home page of my website I have a quote saying “Over 60% of re-marriages end in re-divorce.” I frequently get asked, “Why is the divorce rate higher?” People state confusion over this because they believe that since they’ve been divorced once before, they’ll know the danger signs to look for and they are more determined to have what they call a “successful” marriage.
All of that sounds good, but let’s look at what the realities are. The following are some of the most common reasons for a higher divorce rate in remarriage.
A remarriage has one of the same partners who were present in your last marriage. Most people don’t take the time to evaluate WHAT went wrong. They just assume the problem was the WHO. Unfortunately that’s not the case. It’s important to look at what happened to cause the marriage to deteriorate. While it’s tempting to assume that your ex-spouse was the problem, they weren’t 100% responsible. Without taking time to look at YOUR part in the marriage’s demise, you are destined to repeat the similar, if not the same, mistakes.
A divorce experience doesn’t suddenly reveal special awareness of relationship danger signs. Unfortunately, people jump into new relationships way too quickly after their divorce. They are not truly prepared to be in a committed relationship in the way that a new marriage requires. Most people are still reeling from the many changes and/or losses they experienced as a result of their divorce. Continuing to be wrapped up in what happened in your last marriage doesn’t build a stable foundation for a new marriage.
Remarriage commitment is less than in a first marriage. By being in a remarriage, it means one member of your couple has been married before. If the previous marriage ended in divorce that means a conscious decision was made to terminate the marriage. That’s a boundary which was crossed over. After that boundary is breached once, it is much easier to come to that conclusion again. Divorce isn’t an unknown entity. You may not have liked it but you endured it. Because of this, it becomes a more viable option than it did in a first marriage as soon as things get rough.
A step family is an unknown in our society. Step families are quickly becoming the most common family unit, but does anyone have a clue how they are supposed work? We still base our ideas of family on the old standard of a nuclear family (mom, dad, and their biological children.) A step family does NOT fit this mold. When new step families see that their family doesn’t come close to resembling what they expected, it’s common for them to start questioning their decision to remarry.
Divorce is painful. There’s no getting around it. You hurt, you ex-spouse hurts, and your children hurt. Rather than running to the altar because you’re “in love”, take time to step back and prepare. Don’t put yourself and your children through the pain of another divorce. Be wiser. Be a better partner rather than just looking for a better one.
Visit http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for a successful remarriage. I invite you to register today for your free 5 day e-course focusing specifically on other differences you will encounter in a remarriage versus your first marrige at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com/e-course.htm. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_Johnson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Marriage--Divorce--Repeat--Marriage--Divorce--Repeat&id=454928
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