By Steve Gee
People sometimes do marry the same person twice believe it or not
It's not impossible to get your wife back after you have divorced. If you want to know how to get your wife back after divorce you could look for inspiration at one of the most famous examples of people marrying twice. The actor Richard Burton remarried Elizabeth Taylor again after they got divorced. But how can two people that have gone through the trauma of divorce, ever get back together again?
It's a lot easier to prevent divorce before it gets to the point of legal separation and finality but the process of patching things up and getting back together again is the same whether you have divorced or not.
I'm not a marriage councillor nor did I manage to prevent my 20-year relationship from breaking up amicably when we had drifted apart. Over the years I've watched as many of my friends got divorced and I've noticed a few things that are common in all these situations including my own.
The broken relationships that I've witnessed seemed to fail either because neither partner wanted to save it, or just one of the pair wanted to and used techniques that appeared very reasonable at the time but were completely ineffective.
If at least one of you wants to stop divorce then you have a chance to do so
I guess that there's nothing to be done when neither partner wants to save the marriage but there has to be at least a chance if one of you does. So what is it that so many people in this situation do wrong?
Perhaps they try too hard. They plead with their partner to reconsider and promise that they will change their ways. This is natural human behaviour and most would consider it a reasonable course to take but it rarely works unfortunately. If you're trying to get your wife back after a divorce or prevent your marriage breaking up then pleading is the last thing you should do. You should be concentrating on making yourself more attractive to your partner instead of persuading her that you're weak by pleading and lying about changes that you'll make that she knows that you won't.
Be strong, that’s how to get your wife back after divorce
Don't plead, don't argue and don't become inconsistent by agreeing with her opinion just because you think that's what she wants to hear. Be strong, dress well and start to take charge of your own life. Show her that you can live without her; she just might decide that she's missing something by not being with you.
Women are attracted to men who are strong and capable of protecting them. They're repulsed by weak pleading and prefer to do the chasing themselves. So be strong, confident, self sufficient and consistent with your opinions. It could make all the difference and the secret of how to get your wife back after divorce.
Unlock the secrets in saving your marriage and see immediate results guaranteed How to get your wife back after divorce http://this-info.com/stopdivorce/howtogetyourwifebackafterdivorce.php
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Gee
http://EzineArticles.com/?How-To-Get-Your-Wife-Back-After-Divorce&id=424524
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Divorce May Be the Wrong Choice
By Eva Fry
If you are thinking of divorcing your mate, I pray my thoughts will help you reconsider your decision. I believe that most troubled marriages don’t have to end in divorce.
I have been married for almost 48 years. Many times, though the years, I thought of divorcing my husband. I am so thankful I choose to stick to my marriage and to make things work.
Why am I thankful I stayed married to my husband and kept my family together?
1. My husband and I are happy today. I’m so glad we didn’t quite the times we were unhappy. We have had to learn to live with things we didn’t like about each other. We have had to learn to forgive and love, anyway. We have had to find ways to try to keep each other happy. We have even gone for counseling. The times I was hurting the most, I had to ask God to help me love him. One good thing we had was we could communicate with each other even though we didn’t always agree but we did learn to talk things over. Thankfully we were committed to our marriage.
Keeping a marriage together is not an easy task, with each mate being different and having different needs, but if you both really want your marriage to work you will find a way, if you are committed.
2. My family is still a complete unit. We are the same Mom and Dad to our kids. Because of this, our children are more stable than many of the kids of our friends and family members who chose to divorce.
Why do our kids seem more stable than many others whose families divorced?
a. They grew up in a two-parent home. The most important thing, for a child, is to have its own mother and father. They will never be as happy in another situation.
As parents, we are responsible to give our kids the best life possible. Divorce can cause negative experiences they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. If we are not good parents we need to become good parents.
Selfishness is the most common reason for divorce. When we only think of ourselves grave consequences follow. We must become selfless. We must develop the attributes of a loving, giving, considerate and selfless person if we want our marriages to work and our families to stay together.
If you are able to do this you will bless your own life. Your greatest personal happiness will come from your own happy family.
b. They did not have to go from parent to parent, according to how much time the court determined should be spent with each parent.
This is how many children today live. Shuffled from parent to parent. You need to find a way to get along with your mate. Sometimes you are the only one doing all the giving but often that’s just how it is because you are doing it for the future happiness of your kids and your family. Of course there are limits. Some behaviors should not be accepted but endurance is often what is necessary. Often you must wait on God to answer your prayers and teach you the things you both need to learn on how to create a happy family and how to love.
c. They did not have to live through the disagreements and arguments associated with divorcing. I am so thankful my kids didn’t have to experience this.
When we get married and have children we have the responsibility to do all we can to give our kids the happiest life possible. Through divorce I see kids taking on the pains of parents who hate each other and they use their kids as skate goats. Why should any child have to live through war as their parent’s battle it out? If you are doing this you need to fix it. If you live with a contentious person you do not have to respond in a contentious manner. It takes two to fight. You must look at yourself and determine how you are contributing to the war and stop your part in it. Ask God to show you how. Learn to keep your mouth shut or walk away. Learn to talk to God about your hurts and ask for His help. I had to learn this.
d. They didn’t have to adjust to new stepparents or new
stepsiblings. Learning to get along with their own brothers and sisters, in their own family was hard and learning to be obedient to us as parents was hard. My children did learn this.
I have seen so much pain in kids whose parents divorced and brought in new mates and stepchildren who didn’t care for the kids and were often bad people.
e. I believe my children were kept safer. They were under my roof, where I could protect them. If they had to share their life with their father and another wife I would never have know how they were being treated.
I have often seen the new partner resent the kids and treat them badly.
f. They did not have to live in a single parent household. I’m thankful my kids didn’t have to go through that experience and I didn’t have to go through it either.
I see mothers struggle to work full time and care for their families, by themselves. In reality there just isn’t enough time to do both as well as you can do if you have a mate.
g. I was able to be a stay-at-home mom. If my husband and I had parted I would have had to work. I’m thankful I could be there when they came home from school.
So many children come home to an empty house.
How is my personal life better because I stayed in my Marriage?
I’m proud of myself. I’m so thankful that with The Lords Help I did all I could to make my marriage work. I love being married. I have peace in my life that so many others don’t have. I’m thankful that I love my husband today. I’m thankful we have had time to get to know each other, to mellow and to learn about life so our love could grow.
As I look at others who divorced, I recognize that many left their marriages too soon, before they had time to make their relationship work.
I’m grateful to have a companion today. Many divorced people are alone. When you divorce and remarry you take on a whole set of new problems. You may think your life will be better but often you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Life ends up worse, not better. I know there are second marriages and families that do work out but often their second attempt does not solve all their problems. The saddest part of a divorce is that often those who divorce wish they could have their old life back, but it is too late.
I have had a more comfortable life than some of my friends who divorced. Thankfully we still have what we have accumulated together. I’m thankful we were able to provide a better life for our children.
Often finances are the greatest problem in divorced homes.
The divorce forces them to split everything they have and pay a lot of what they have to the Attorney’s.
Please consider the above facts before you choose to divorce.
I am thankful for the times that I stayed with my husband for the sake of the kids. I didn’t want to hurt them. I knew that their needs were more important than mine. It would have been easy for me to walk away but I put my kids first. I remember thinking, “I will leave my husband when the kids grew up,” but when that time came, I had learned to love him more and I didn’t want to leave.
I believe the reason my husband and I have stayed married is because we wanted to stay married. Thankfully we were willing to endure hard times and stay committed in spite of mistakes made by the each of us. We also were aware that we could not expect perfection from the other if we were not perfect ourselves. I especially found that serving my husband was the best way to make things work, even when he didn’t deserve my service. As the years have gone by, he has learned to appreciate me and thank me for my faithfulness, kindness and caring. I have also learned to accept and appreciate him and be aware of the good in him, which I was unable to see when we were younger. We are very happy today and I’m so thankful I didn’t give up before we got to this point. It can take years to get to this point but better late than never and you can give up so much if you quit too soon.
I’m so grateful that when we have family get togethers they have only one Mom and one Dad and I’m so thankful my husband doesn’t have another wife and I don’t have another husband. I can only imagine how messed up things could be.
You may be thinking that your life has been harder than mine and that you have more reasons to divorce than I did. This may be so but I have been through extremely hard times, too. I have endured and survived some of the same things that have caused others to divorce. Through those hard times I have learned and grown and my marriage has become stronger. Sometimes hard times are given to us for that reason so we can truly discover who we are and what we are made of. Also to help us to get to know who our mates really are.
I don’t think God ever planned for life to be easy. I think he intended us to experience trials to prove ourselves to Him and to help us reach our potential. Some of our greatest trials have been the ones we have gained the most growth from.
I encourage any of you who are thinking of divorce to consider the things that I have said. I know that God will help. Some times you are totally on your own in your marriage but He will make up for the things you don’t have in another way, as you wait for things to get better. In the end, if you are faithful, He will bless you.
I also believe that God will help any two people find happiness if they have Christ as the center of their marriage and if they choose to care for their mates and their children more than their own happiness.
I believe God wants families to stay together. Raising a family takes two, the father and the mother. If you both strive to please one another you will become “ONE” as The Lord Intended. I’m sure God intended FAMILIES TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
I am very thankful I stayed married and my family is still a complete unit.
Eva Fry's mission is to help others become better and happier. She is an inspirational author, singer/songwriter/ motivational speaker and seminar leader. Eva has published three books -
"YOU MUST HAVE A DREAM" -for seniors,
"BE A WINNER IN LIFE"-for good kids, troubled kids and their parents.
"LETTERS FROM JUVENILE HALL, KIDS HELPING KIDS" (Actual letters from kids at Juvenile Hall, intended to save other kids from destroying their lives)
She invites you to use the FREE ARTICLES she has written for: at- risk kids
Also FREE ARTICLES of inspiration to help meet life's challenges. http://www.evafry.com
She has produced 7 Music CD's
“Remember” (new music for seniors),
“Oh What Joy Christmas”
“The Little Things” (inspirational country),
“I Love Living The Teachings of The Lord” (Gospel/Christian)
“Savior of Mine” – (Christian)
“God Gave You Intelligence” (for children)
“Classical Style” (instrumental)
Her music and books can be purchased at http://www.evafry.com
Her books can also be ordered at any bookstore.
Her articles have been published, all over the world.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Eva_Fry
http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorce-May-Be-the-Wrong-Choice&id=427864
If you are thinking of divorcing your mate, I pray my thoughts will help you reconsider your decision. I believe that most troubled marriages don’t have to end in divorce.
I have been married for almost 48 years. Many times, though the years, I thought of divorcing my husband. I am so thankful I choose to stick to my marriage and to make things work.
Why am I thankful I stayed married to my husband and kept my family together?
1. My husband and I are happy today. I’m so glad we didn’t quite the times we were unhappy. We have had to learn to live with things we didn’t like about each other. We have had to learn to forgive and love, anyway. We have had to find ways to try to keep each other happy. We have even gone for counseling. The times I was hurting the most, I had to ask God to help me love him. One good thing we had was we could communicate with each other even though we didn’t always agree but we did learn to talk things over. Thankfully we were committed to our marriage.
Keeping a marriage together is not an easy task, with each mate being different and having different needs, but if you both really want your marriage to work you will find a way, if you are committed.
2. My family is still a complete unit. We are the same Mom and Dad to our kids. Because of this, our children are more stable than many of the kids of our friends and family members who chose to divorce.
Why do our kids seem more stable than many others whose families divorced?
a. They grew up in a two-parent home. The most important thing, for a child, is to have its own mother and father. They will never be as happy in another situation.
As parents, we are responsible to give our kids the best life possible. Divorce can cause negative experiences they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. If we are not good parents we need to become good parents.
Selfishness is the most common reason for divorce. When we only think of ourselves grave consequences follow. We must become selfless. We must develop the attributes of a loving, giving, considerate and selfless person if we want our marriages to work and our families to stay together.
If you are able to do this you will bless your own life. Your greatest personal happiness will come from your own happy family.
b. They did not have to go from parent to parent, according to how much time the court determined should be spent with each parent.
This is how many children today live. Shuffled from parent to parent. You need to find a way to get along with your mate. Sometimes you are the only one doing all the giving but often that’s just how it is because you are doing it for the future happiness of your kids and your family. Of course there are limits. Some behaviors should not be accepted but endurance is often what is necessary. Often you must wait on God to answer your prayers and teach you the things you both need to learn on how to create a happy family and how to love.
c. They did not have to live through the disagreements and arguments associated with divorcing. I am so thankful my kids didn’t have to experience this.
When we get married and have children we have the responsibility to do all we can to give our kids the happiest life possible. Through divorce I see kids taking on the pains of parents who hate each other and they use their kids as skate goats. Why should any child have to live through war as their parent’s battle it out? If you are doing this you need to fix it. If you live with a contentious person you do not have to respond in a contentious manner. It takes two to fight. You must look at yourself and determine how you are contributing to the war and stop your part in it. Ask God to show you how. Learn to keep your mouth shut or walk away. Learn to talk to God about your hurts and ask for His help. I had to learn this.
d. They didn’t have to adjust to new stepparents or new
stepsiblings. Learning to get along with their own brothers and sisters, in their own family was hard and learning to be obedient to us as parents was hard. My children did learn this.
I have seen so much pain in kids whose parents divorced and brought in new mates and stepchildren who didn’t care for the kids and were often bad people.
e. I believe my children were kept safer. They were under my roof, where I could protect them. If they had to share their life with their father and another wife I would never have know how they were being treated.
I have often seen the new partner resent the kids and treat them badly.
f. They did not have to live in a single parent household. I’m thankful my kids didn’t have to go through that experience and I didn’t have to go through it either.
I see mothers struggle to work full time and care for their families, by themselves. In reality there just isn’t enough time to do both as well as you can do if you have a mate.
g. I was able to be a stay-at-home mom. If my husband and I had parted I would have had to work. I’m thankful I could be there when they came home from school.
So many children come home to an empty house.
How is my personal life better because I stayed in my Marriage?
I’m proud of myself. I’m so thankful that with The Lords Help I did all I could to make my marriage work. I love being married. I have peace in my life that so many others don’t have. I’m thankful that I love my husband today. I’m thankful we have had time to get to know each other, to mellow and to learn about life so our love could grow.
As I look at others who divorced, I recognize that many left their marriages too soon, before they had time to make their relationship work.
I’m grateful to have a companion today. Many divorced people are alone. When you divorce and remarry you take on a whole set of new problems. You may think your life will be better but often you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Life ends up worse, not better. I know there are second marriages and families that do work out but often their second attempt does not solve all their problems. The saddest part of a divorce is that often those who divorce wish they could have their old life back, but it is too late.
I have had a more comfortable life than some of my friends who divorced. Thankfully we still have what we have accumulated together. I’m thankful we were able to provide a better life for our children.
Often finances are the greatest problem in divorced homes.
The divorce forces them to split everything they have and pay a lot of what they have to the Attorney’s.
Please consider the above facts before you choose to divorce.
I am thankful for the times that I stayed with my husband for the sake of the kids. I didn’t want to hurt them. I knew that their needs were more important than mine. It would have been easy for me to walk away but I put my kids first. I remember thinking, “I will leave my husband when the kids grew up,” but when that time came, I had learned to love him more and I didn’t want to leave.
I believe the reason my husband and I have stayed married is because we wanted to stay married. Thankfully we were willing to endure hard times and stay committed in spite of mistakes made by the each of us. We also were aware that we could not expect perfection from the other if we were not perfect ourselves. I especially found that serving my husband was the best way to make things work, even when he didn’t deserve my service. As the years have gone by, he has learned to appreciate me and thank me for my faithfulness, kindness and caring. I have also learned to accept and appreciate him and be aware of the good in him, which I was unable to see when we were younger. We are very happy today and I’m so thankful I didn’t give up before we got to this point. It can take years to get to this point but better late than never and you can give up so much if you quit too soon.
I’m so grateful that when we have family get togethers they have only one Mom and one Dad and I’m so thankful my husband doesn’t have another wife and I don’t have another husband. I can only imagine how messed up things could be.
You may be thinking that your life has been harder than mine and that you have more reasons to divorce than I did. This may be so but I have been through extremely hard times, too. I have endured and survived some of the same things that have caused others to divorce. Through those hard times I have learned and grown and my marriage has become stronger. Sometimes hard times are given to us for that reason so we can truly discover who we are and what we are made of. Also to help us to get to know who our mates really are.
I don’t think God ever planned for life to be easy. I think he intended us to experience trials to prove ourselves to Him and to help us reach our potential. Some of our greatest trials have been the ones we have gained the most growth from.
I encourage any of you who are thinking of divorce to consider the things that I have said. I know that God will help. Some times you are totally on your own in your marriage but He will make up for the things you don’t have in another way, as you wait for things to get better. In the end, if you are faithful, He will bless you.
I also believe that God will help any two people find happiness if they have Christ as the center of their marriage and if they choose to care for their mates and their children more than their own happiness.
I believe God wants families to stay together. Raising a family takes two, the father and the mother. If you both strive to please one another you will become “ONE” as The Lord Intended. I’m sure God intended FAMILIES TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
I am very thankful I stayed married and my family is still a complete unit.
Eva Fry's mission is to help others become better and happier. She is an inspirational author, singer/songwriter/ motivational speaker and seminar leader. Eva has published three books -
"YOU MUST HAVE A DREAM" -for seniors,
"BE A WINNER IN LIFE"-for good kids, troubled kids and their parents.
"LETTERS FROM JUVENILE HALL, KIDS HELPING KIDS" (Actual letters from kids at Juvenile Hall, intended to save other kids from destroying their lives)
She invites you to use the FREE ARTICLES she has written for: at- risk kids
Also FREE ARTICLES of inspiration to help meet life's challenges. http://www.evafry.com
She has produced 7 Music CD's
“Remember” (new music for seniors),
“Oh What Joy Christmas”
“The Little Things” (inspirational country),
“I Love Living The Teachings of The Lord” (Gospel/Christian)
“Savior of Mine” – (Christian)
“God Gave You Intelligence” (for children)
“Classical Style” (instrumental)
Her music and books can be purchased at http://www.evafry.com
Her books can also be ordered at any bookstore.
Her articles have been published, all over the world.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Eva_Fry
http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorce-May-Be-the-Wrong-Choice&id=427864
Exclusive Kevin Federline Interview
Exclusive Interviews with Kevin Federline on Monday, November 6th the day before Britney Spears filed for Divorce.
Bill Bennet explains marriage
Jon Stewart's hilarious interview of the ultra-Conservative about the definition of marriage
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Marriage Problems: Common, But Never Simple
Author: Rene Graeber
You may think the common problem is because he leaves the toothpaste cap half on or that she keeps on coming back with a new dent on the car.
It is a scary thought - the idea that maybe tomorrow one of you will just come up to the other and say, "I think don't want to be married to you anymore."
One may think they're ready for it, but the truth is, they never are. They see it coming from a distance, but unfortunately, they were too preoccupied with the problem, they forgot to look for a solution.
And that is what is commonly happening with married couples today. There is so much anticipation on looking out for the telltale marriage trouble signs that once the problem is in your face, hardly anything is done about it.
What are these "common marriage problems" that are being talked about so often? A lot will tell you these problems fall in any of these three categories: career and finances, fidelity and personality.
Strained marriages are rocked by problems from all of these categories but the marriages that survive do so because they addressed the problem properly and looked for a solution - together.
So just how do you actually do that? It is both simple and complex.
It is simple because it just requires you to admit to yourself and to your spouse that you have a problem. On the other hand, it is complex because both of you may not agree on what exactly the problem is and the solution for it.
For both of you to reach an agreement, you must be able to both listen and articulate. Listen first to what your spouse thinks is the problem that's driving you apart.
After he/she has said her part, then carefully tell her what's on your mind. This act of listening and communicating then brings to both your attentions the problems with your relationship and the causes for it.
However, the both of you need to take the next step by finding a solution to the problem. This is the tricky part for it will undoubtedly require adjustment from both sides. However, simply making the necessary adjustments alone will not address the problem.
You need to find the reason why you are making these sacrifices. And that reason should be because you love your spouse and want to build on the relationship making it stronger with time.
Whether it is a problem with spending, or with who gets to hold the remote control, marriage problems can be weathered when faced together and worked on together. In time, an open toothpaste tube, or another fender bender won't have an effect at all on the relationship.
About the Author:
How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit: http://www.marriage-problems-advice-help.info
You may think the common problem is because he leaves the toothpaste cap half on or that she keeps on coming back with a new dent on the car.
It is a scary thought - the idea that maybe tomorrow one of you will just come up to the other and say, "I think don't want to be married to you anymore."
One may think they're ready for it, but the truth is, they never are. They see it coming from a distance, but unfortunately, they were too preoccupied with the problem, they forgot to look for a solution.
And that is what is commonly happening with married couples today. There is so much anticipation on looking out for the telltale marriage trouble signs that once the problem is in your face, hardly anything is done about it.
What are these "common marriage problems" that are being talked about so often? A lot will tell you these problems fall in any of these three categories: career and finances, fidelity and personality.
Strained marriages are rocked by problems from all of these categories but the marriages that survive do so because they addressed the problem properly and looked for a solution - together.
So just how do you actually do that? It is both simple and complex.
It is simple because it just requires you to admit to yourself and to your spouse that you have a problem. On the other hand, it is complex because both of you may not agree on what exactly the problem is and the solution for it.
For both of you to reach an agreement, you must be able to both listen and articulate. Listen first to what your spouse thinks is the problem that's driving you apart.
After he/she has said her part, then carefully tell her what's on your mind. This act of listening and communicating then brings to both your attentions the problems with your relationship and the causes for it.
However, the both of you need to take the next step by finding a solution to the problem. This is the tricky part for it will undoubtedly require adjustment from both sides. However, simply making the necessary adjustments alone will not address the problem.
You need to find the reason why you are making these sacrifices. And that reason should be because you love your spouse and want to build on the relationship making it stronger with time.
Whether it is a problem with spending, or with who gets to hold the remote control, marriage problems can be weathered when faced together and worked on together. In time, an open toothpaste tube, or another fender bender won't have an effect at all on the relationship.
About the Author:
How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit: http://www.marriage-problems-advice-help.info
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Prenuptial Agreement Dilemma
By Jeffrey Broobin
Should we have a prenuptial agreement?
OK. You can look at the idea as very cold and unromantic. You can look at the idea as a considerate and practical way to decide before the marriage certain issues having to do with your money.
It is interesting to note that the custom of creating prenuptial agreements is not the modern invention that it seems to be. During the 19th century, before the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, prenuptial agreements were necessary for women in the United States. Until the act became law, everything a woman owned or inherited was transferred to her husband. If he died or divorced her, she was just out of luck.
Nowadays it is not so uncommon to execute prenuptial agreements. And these are not just for the famous super-rich couples we read about, where one spouse is much richer than the other. These are couples who want to be upfront about financial issues and get that out of the way before the wedding.
A prenuptial agreement is a signed and notarized contract that describes how a couple will handle the financial aspects of their marriage. The prenuptial agreement has many positive benefits that are not related to divorce, and although it is not very romantic, it has many positive elements.
• If a future spouse won't sign a prenuptial agreement, it may be best to discover this before the wedding.
The financial well-being of children from a previous marriage can be protected
• Personal and business assets accumulated before the marriage are protected by a prenuptial agreement.
• A prenuptial agreement reveals financial expectations before the wedding.
• A prenuptial agreement discloses assets a spouse may want to give to children or other family members in the event of death.
• In the event of a divorce, the prenup eliminates battles over assets and finances.
• Signing a prenup does not mean that a couple is anticipating divorce.
• Prenups address financial matters need to be faced.
• A well-constructed prenuptial agreement can preserve family ties and inheritance.
Despite its many positive features, the prenuptial agreement cannot accomplish everything.
• A prenuptial agreement may be considered unromantic.
• A prenuptial agreement may give the appearance of a lack of trust between the partners.
• It is true that a prenup could create resentment between certain spouses.
• Certain requirements exist so that the prenuptial agreement cannot be declared invalid. These include failure to disclose all assets, evidence of fraud, forcing the agreement upon the other spouse, unfairness, and lack of representation at the time of signing the agreement.
If you are considering having a prenuptial agreement it is important to remember these things:
• Don’t wait until the last minute to talk about financial matters. Discuss the agreement early in the relationship.
• Don’t try to hide your thoughts, feelings, and especially your assets.
Note that Legal Helper Corp. - http://www.legalhelpmate.com/prenuptial-agreement.aspx - provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating Prenuptial Agreement (Premarital).
About The Author
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeffrey_Broobin
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Prenuptial-Agreement-Dilemma&id=20286
Should we have a prenuptial agreement?
OK. You can look at the idea as very cold and unromantic. You can look at the idea as a considerate and practical way to decide before the marriage certain issues having to do with your money.
It is interesting to note that the custom of creating prenuptial agreements is not the modern invention that it seems to be. During the 19th century, before the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, prenuptial agreements were necessary for women in the United States. Until the act became law, everything a woman owned or inherited was transferred to her husband. If he died or divorced her, she was just out of luck.
Nowadays it is not so uncommon to execute prenuptial agreements. And these are not just for the famous super-rich couples we read about, where one spouse is much richer than the other. These are couples who want to be upfront about financial issues and get that out of the way before the wedding.
A prenuptial agreement is a signed and notarized contract that describes how a couple will handle the financial aspects of their marriage. The prenuptial agreement has many positive benefits that are not related to divorce, and although it is not very romantic, it has many positive elements.
• If a future spouse won't sign a prenuptial agreement, it may be best to discover this before the wedding.
The financial well-being of children from a previous marriage can be protected
• Personal and business assets accumulated before the marriage are protected by a prenuptial agreement.
• A prenuptial agreement reveals financial expectations before the wedding.
• A prenuptial agreement discloses assets a spouse may want to give to children or other family members in the event of death.
• In the event of a divorce, the prenup eliminates battles over assets and finances.
• Signing a prenup does not mean that a couple is anticipating divorce.
• Prenups address financial matters need to be faced.
• A well-constructed prenuptial agreement can preserve family ties and inheritance.
Despite its many positive features, the prenuptial agreement cannot accomplish everything.
• A prenuptial agreement may be considered unromantic.
• A prenuptial agreement may give the appearance of a lack of trust between the partners.
• It is true that a prenup could create resentment between certain spouses.
• Certain requirements exist so that the prenuptial agreement cannot be declared invalid. These include failure to disclose all assets, evidence of fraud, forcing the agreement upon the other spouse, unfairness, and lack of representation at the time of signing the agreement.
If you are considering having a prenuptial agreement it is important to remember these things:
• Don’t wait until the last minute to talk about financial matters. Discuss the agreement early in the relationship.
• Don’t try to hide your thoughts, feelings, and especially your assets.
Note that Legal Helper Corp. - http://www.legalhelpmate.com/prenuptial-agreement.aspx - provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating Prenuptial Agreement (Premarital).
About The Author
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeffrey_Broobin
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Prenuptial-Agreement-Dilemma&id=20286
Pre-Nuptial or Post Nuptial Financial Agreements
By John Kunkle
If you have a lot of assets, and you are worried about the financial consequences of getting divorced, you may want to consider a pre-nuptial agreement.
I’m not suggesting you get a pre-nuptial agreement, nor am I suggesting how such an agreement should be structured. That is between you, your attorney, and your financial advisors.
However, if you are going to pursue a pre-nuptial agreement, consider the following:
For such an agreement to be valid, you must have all the documents in both English and Russian. They must be certified translations of the documents in both languages.
You should have an attorney present to represent your future wife as well as one for yourself. The attorney representing your future wife should be fluent in both English and Russian so he can explain everything to her.
If you are serious about a pre-nuptial agreement or a post-nuptial agreement, don’t get cheap with this process. If you don’t have a competent attorney representing your future wife, and if she didn’t understand what she is signing, the agreement may be disqualified.
So don’t buy a “do it yourself pre-nuptial agreement kit” or try to cut corners in the process, or you may end up with a whole lot of nothing.
Considering the affect a pre-nuptial agreement is going to have on your wife’s attitude anyway, a botched job could put you in even worse shape than not having one in the first place.
If you are rich enough to need a pre-nuptial agreement, you can afford to do it right. It always amazes me when I hear of guys going cheap on things that are vital. Would you buy a life support system or shark cage on the discount isle?
John has been successfully married to a Belarussian wife for over five years. He has traveled extensively through Russia and other CIS countries. He will tell you why you should consider Russian women, how to meet them, how to bring your special woman home, and how to survive married life.
www.russian-luv.com/prenuptial.html
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_Kunkle
http://EzineArticles.com/?Pre-Nuptial-or-Post-Nuptial-Financial-Agreements&id=341402
If you have a lot of assets, and you are worried about the financial consequences of getting divorced, you may want to consider a pre-nuptial agreement.
I’m not suggesting you get a pre-nuptial agreement, nor am I suggesting how such an agreement should be structured. That is between you, your attorney, and your financial advisors.
However, if you are going to pursue a pre-nuptial agreement, consider the following:
For such an agreement to be valid, you must have all the documents in both English and Russian. They must be certified translations of the documents in both languages.
You should have an attorney present to represent your future wife as well as one for yourself. The attorney representing your future wife should be fluent in both English and Russian so he can explain everything to her.
If you are serious about a pre-nuptial agreement or a post-nuptial agreement, don’t get cheap with this process. If you don’t have a competent attorney representing your future wife, and if she didn’t understand what she is signing, the agreement may be disqualified.
So don’t buy a “do it yourself pre-nuptial agreement kit” or try to cut corners in the process, or you may end up with a whole lot of nothing.
Considering the affect a pre-nuptial agreement is going to have on your wife’s attitude anyway, a botched job could put you in even worse shape than not having one in the first place.
If you are rich enough to need a pre-nuptial agreement, you can afford to do it right. It always amazes me when I hear of guys going cheap on things that are vital. Would you buy a life support system or shark cage on the discount isle?
John has been successfully married to a Belarussian wife for over five years. He has traveled extensively through Russia and other CIS countries. He will tell you why you should consider Russian women, how to meet them, how to bring your special woman home, and how to survive married life.
www.russian-luv.com/prenuptial.html
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_Kunkle
http://EzineArticles.com/?Pre-Nuptial-or-Post-Nuptial-Financial-Agreements&id=341402
Wedding Planning: A Complete Guide On Wedding Invitation Cards
A wedding invitaion or a card is a simple letter asking the recipient to attend the wedding. These invitations are generally mailed out six to eight weeks before the finalised wedding date. So once you are engaged and the dates are planned for the various occassions, the next big step that follows is to decide upon the wedding invitations.
Everything has to be the perfect, including your wedding cards. They are important part in setting your mood right for your special day.
From invitations that are handcrafted to the formal ones, cards with raised letters on it or the one having engraved styles, there are numerous beautiful wedding invitations available to match the style and theme of your wedding. From the traditional to the contemporary, there are wedding cards to compliment the taste of everyone.
Choosing the right wedding invitation for your guests is not an easy task and can get a run for your money. So if you do not want to work harder on making a choice on that and want to make it simple, you can go for the ready to use wedding invitation that are available in the card stores that are local to you. But this is not the only option. Your wedding cards can be designed to coordinate your wedding theme. So if you are planning to have a vintage-style wedding, you can definitely have an invitation, suiting the mood of the whole celebration.
And if you are bored of seeing those traditionally made cards. Do not worry. There are options for you to give you that funky and modern look that you always desired. Under this category of wedding invitations, you can create your own art by putting the favorite photographs of you and your beloved. This gives a more personal touch to the whole celebration. And if you really want to put some good efforts, you can even purchase some blank cards and then decorate them yourself.
There are many wedding invitations that come with matching envelopes to give them a complete and impeccable look. Invitation cards also include thank you notes. This is necessary to give the wedding card a personal touch.
You can sometimes find calligraphy on the wedding invitations. But this is not just the option. There are also other types of printing that can be beautifully displayed on them. Thermography, engraving, letterpress printing and also sometimes blind embossing. Generally double envelopes are used to mail them. The inner envelope has a lining of a matching color to the card and is not gummed. On the other hand, the outer envelope is used as a sealer.
There are numerous parts of a wedding invitation. Beside the invite, you may also find an ensemble of various cards, that are for the different occasions to be held on different days. Adding a location map or a direction card is also common.
Now once the layout of your wedding card is prepared, the last thing that follows is to decide upon their numbers. And the date and the mode of their dispatch.
About the Author
The auther writes articles on different topics. To get more articles on wedding visit http://www.weddingleague.com/ROMANCE 101—How to turn Your Relationship into a Great Romance!
OK...Let's talk about romance! The #1 most important thing you need to turn your relationship into a great romance is DESIRE. You have to WANT great romance in your life. Well, who wouldn't want that? But it won't just happen...it will take some effort. But it will be well worth it!
When asking couples why they think the romance has escaped their relationships, the most common excuse is TIME. It's sooooooo hard to find time and energy to devote to your relationships. But think for a moment back to your courtship. What was different then? Didn't you have a job then? Didn't you have other responsibilities then? Of course you did...maybe not to the extent that you do now, but you still had a schedule to keep, whether it was attending college, studying, playing sports, attending club meetings, keeping a job, etc. But somehow you found the time to "woo" your partner, right? You found time to date, right? Why? Because you WANTED TO! You planned it into your schedule and did it! And why were those times together so special? Because that specific amount of time was set aside and reserved for one reason...ROMANCE! And during those "dates" you gave 100% of your attention to each other, right? That's what made it special.
Now I want you to think about the last time you and your partner went out to dinner. What did you talk about? Maybe it was the family finances, or difficulties at work, or...the KIDS. Wow, what a romantic dinner, huh? That's the problem. You have to learn to create romantic situations that focus 100% on each other. Save the "problem solving" for another time. I can't tell you how many times in the past my husband and I went out to dinner and whenever we got home, I didn't even feel like we went out! Why? Because the whole time we were out, we were busy doing that "problem solving" stuff instead of enjoying what little time we had together. So, that's the second most important thing you need to turn your relationship into a great romance...PRIORITY. Make it a priority to spend quality, FOCUSED time with your partner. These special times should be set aside JUST for the two of you to enjoy each others company...nothing else...PERIOD.
Okay...So now we have established that creating great romance will require DESIRE, and making it a PRIORITY. The next thing we need is a PLAN! You may have heard the saying, "You didn't plan to fail, you just failed to plan!" Anything
worth doing requires a good plan. It can be as simple as scheduling one evening per week as "date night," or promising to spend "x" amount of time doing something romantic for your partner each week. There are plenty of
books, magazines, web sites, newsletters, etc. that will give you lots of ideas to use for your romantic "dates." Use your imagination & be creative! The most important thing is to make a plan and then stick to it...no matter what.
After that, all that's left to do is sit back and watch the magic of romance do it's thing! Oh, I'm not saying that this is going to be easy...it WILL take a little work. But it will be FUN work!
About the Author
Gina Woods is the publisher of "E-Romance Weekly," an on-line weekly newsletter offering exciting "romantic recipes" to rekindle the romance in any relationship. For more information, visit http://www.spiritwithindesigns.com/E-Romance/subscribe.html. Join our FREE E-Romance Weekly Yahoo Group at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eromanceweekly.
Romance Your Wife - Ask Her Out On A Romantic Date
If you want to romance your wife, think about how you won her heart in the first place. Your romantic relationship may have started out when you called her and asked her out on a date. When you went out for the first time, you were sweet, romantic and you tried hard to impress her. She apparently enjoyed your loving attention, because she ended up marrying you. If you want to romance your wife, it is time to start dating her again.
Before you start, do a little research. What do you think your wife would like to do on a romantic date? If you decide to go to dinner and a movie, what restaurant do you think she would enjoy? What movie has she been wanting to see? If your wife enjoys a certain type of restaurant, ask your friends and coworkers for recommendations. They may also have ideas for a really good movie.
After you’ve decided on the plans for your romantic date, call her several days in advance and ask her out. When you call her, act like you are asking her out for a first date. For example:
Jack: Hi Jane?
Jane: Yes?
Jack: Hi, this is Jack Johnson. Jane, I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and I was wondering if you would be interested in going out this weekend?
Jane: Jack? You mean like on a date?
Jack: Yes, I thought we could both enjoy some time together.
Jane: Why that does sound nice, what did you have in mind?
Jack: There’s a new restaurant on Fifth Avenue that I have heard good things about. I thought we could have dinner there and then see "Romance Never Dies" at the movie theater.
Jane: Well Jack, it sounds like you have this all planned out. That sounds wonderful. I’m free Saturday night.
Jack: Saturday night it is. I’ll look forward to it!
Jane: So will I!
When the big day comes, act like it’s your first date. Get your car washed, select some nice clothes to wear and shower and shave just before your date. If you’re wife asks what you’re doing, tell her you have a hot date tonight. When it is time for your date, pull the car out front. Get out of the car and knock on the front door. When your wife answers the door, greet her and ask her if she is ready for your romantic date. When you walk her to the car, be sure to open the car door for her. Throughout your date, work hard to try to impress her, just as you would on a first date. When you arrive home after the date, walk around the car and open the car door for her. Walk her to the door. When you get to the porch, take her hands in yours and tell her that you had a very nice time and that you hope that you can do it again some time soon. Then, end your date with a sweet, romantic goodnight kiss.
If you want to romance your wife, never stop dating her.
About the Author
Timothy Mahar runs the website RomanceForEveryone.com which includes romantic ideas and a collection of romantic love letters.Do you really have an irreconcilable difference divorce?
An irreconcilable differences divorce in Tennessee and many other United States Jurisdictions requires agreement on all material issues. It is also the cheapest and easiest form so a lot of people mislead themselves into thinking they can get an irreconcilable differences divorce when it is inappropriate for their situation.
In the state of Tennessee to dissolve a marriage without the other parties consent requires that you have grounds to divorce. Certain states have true no-fault divorces that don’t require one party to prove grounds. Grounds are a reason recognized by the state of Tennessee that they will allow you to get a divorce for. They range from adultery, abandonment, to a catchall inappropriate marital conduct that can include a variety of behaviors that it is “inappropriate” for one married person to do to another. Tennessee code section 36-4-101 sets out the fifteen grounds. Among those ground is one called “irreconcilable differences”. As a lawyer who does divorces in Memphis this is what about half your clients will want when the call you. Some lawyers here advertise they can do one for $225 plus court costs in the Memphis Commercial Appeal! The problem is this really isn’t a ground for divorce under Tennessee law. You see in Tennessee to get a divorce for irreconcilable difference you must have a signed and notarized Marital Dissolution Agreement that sets forth how all the property will be divided and who gets what. If you have children then you also need a completed parenting plan where you agree on all details, a child support worksheet based on that plan, and to take a parenting class. All of the above will need to be signed notarized and approved by your ex-spouse. You cannot force your ex-spouse to sign the above. There is no legal penalty for failing to do so. There is also no way to default on these grounds. So if your spouse has taken off for the last two years with her lesbian lover to Nepal then you can’t get an irreconcilable differences divorce. Now if all the above is done then you can get divorced in 60 days from filing without children or 90 days with. Now if you come to me and pay me to do the paperwork for an irreconcilable difference divorce and your spouse isn’t prepared for having the papers presented to them numerous things can and frequently do happen.
1.Your spouse may sue you for divorce.
2.Your spouse may remove all the money from any joint checking accounts, tell her relatives you are threatening him/her, and get an order of protection against you.
3.Take the kids and move to Florida.
All of which because an irreconcilable differences divorce has no mutual mandatory injunction are very hard to combat. They also cause your lawyer to instead of doing a little cutting and pasting, counseling you for a half hour, answering a few questions, filing, and one short flexible court appearance to spending hours upon hours in multiple court appearances, frantic calls from you, and filing numerous documents to get you back in your house or the kids back from Florida. Your lawyer is also going to want a lot more money than $225. Frequently lawyers advertise irreconcilable differences divorces for low amounts and then refuse to perform any work unless you pay them say an additional $2000 retainers which will only cover the most moderately contested divorce. Most lawyers can crank out an irreconcilable difference divorce in about two hours of work. A lightly contested divorce can consume twenty hours of time in mediation and initial court appearances. That’s at one hundred and fifty or so dollars an hour. Going to trial can take hundreds of hours.
So what happens if you get a lawyer to begin work on an irreconcilable differences basis when you shouldn’t have? Well, you’re not going to have a lawyer for very long. They probably state in their contract they will perform no additional work and might not even have filed yet. In addition, they will be really ticked at you for underplaying the situation and will probably not be prepared to deal with whatever you spouse throws at you. There are several morals to this. One, be prepared to be generous. Its going to cost you several thousand dollars to tens of thousands to seriously contest any issues using a Memphis lawyer. Second, be honest with your lawyer if you want your spouse out of the house or its going to take some serious effort to come to an agreement with your spouse. Third, remember you can’t get an irreconcilable difference divorce in Tennessee without agreeing with your spouse on all material issues. I strongly urge you to contact a Memphis Lawyer to discuss a divorce before you even broach the subject with your spouse. Then try therapy knowing what your legal right, process, and cost will be.
About the Author
Memphis lawyer David Sandy is a Tennessee licensed attorney at law and his website is www.mymemphislawyer.com. His blog is www.mymemphislawyer.blogspot.com where he posts legal tips and restaurant reviews.
Legal Separation - What You Need To Know
A divorce is one of the worst things that can happen to a family. It can tear families apart, and leave everyone feeling miserable. Most couples try as hard as they can to save their marriage before deciding to make divorce their final step. Legal separation is an option that married couples can turn to when they have major problems in their relationships.
It is the act of living separate lives without divorcing. It is an opportunity that gives each partner time to decide what they really want, to work though issues, and to try to patch up their problems. Legal separation can sometimes fix relationships, and it may also reinforce the need for divorce.
A lot of issues may come into play with a legal separation. You may be able to pay your taxes separately, which can be an asset, and you may have to worry about child custody issues as well. You may also have to worry about who will make the house payment, who will drive what car, and who will care for any family pets. It is a good idea to get the advice and assistance of a good lawyer if you decide to enter into legal separation.
This will help you in figuring out what you need to do, and what your rights are. You may try to handle this option on your own, but beware of making mistakes. Any mistake you make during legal separation can affect the outcome of your divorce, and have an impact on child custody issues.
You can find many websites and articles on the Internet that offer information about legal separation if you want to have some information before going to see a lawyer. Since laws will vary from one state to another, you should be careful when you are going through this information. You should also keep in mind that not all information you find online will be accurate.
If you try this option as a last resort to save your marriage, don’t feel bad about it. There is nothing wrong with doing what you think is best for your family and for yourself. Legal separation can save your marriage, or at the very least, make you more comfortable with your decision to end your marriage.
About the Author
Morgan Hamilton offers expert advice and great tips regarding all aspects concerning Legal Separation. Visit our site for more helpful information about Legal Separation and other similar topics.Legal Issues Surrounding Divorce
There are two types of divorce: absolute and limited. Absolute, or “divorce a vinculo matu monii”, is the judicial termination of a marriage based on marital misconduct or other statutory causes after the wedding ceremony—such as adultery. After the divorce, both parties are deemed single again. Limited, or “divorce a mensa et thoro” is a separation decree, where the marriage is not fully terminated, and the couple still retain their civil status as married.
There are seven steps in having a divorce. While the process varies from couple to couple, depending on the situation of both parties, there are some essential procedures in filing for a divorce. One thing is certain, however: divorcing couples who are mature enough to agree on certain issues makes for a smoother divorce.
First, one party must file a petition for divorce. Even if both parties agree on a divorce, one must file the petition, which states the ground for divorce. There is such a thing as “no fault” grounds, which simply states that the relationship is no longer viable (such as “irreconcilable differences”). While many states allow this, some states still consider ground faults, such as adultery.
A temporary order is the next step. This is for claiming temporary financial support, child support, of custody. This is granted a few days after filing, and remains in effect until a formal court hearing. One should file for this ASAP.
A service of process is then required. This is to prove that the petition has reached the other party as well. A response is then needed from the other party. He or she must file a response to the petition, and is allowed to either dispute the grounds or defend himself or herself from them. Disagreements on custody or property division should also be filed with the response.
A negotiation for the division of property and custody comes next. The court usually lets the couple and their respective lawyers handle this, but if they cannot agree on anything, the court has to decide for them. Children are usually the responsibility of social workers, whom the court calls in to check on the living conditions of each spouse if it is fit for the children. A trial then ensues, to smooth out issues the couple couldn’t resolve by themselves.
Finally, an order of resolution is given, which ends the marriage and contains the division of property and debts. If the couple has negotiated these issues themselves, they can write their own order of resolution and submit it to court. If it meets the requirements, the judge approves it.
About the Author
For additional legal information and inquiries about the article log on to http://www.attorneyservicesetc.comAdvantages of an Uncontested Divorce versus a Contested Divorce
An uncontested divorce is the only way to go when getting a divorce. For one, you do not need an attorney, the divorce is done in private, and issues can be negotiated 1 on 1.
An uncontested divorce is the only way to go when getting a divorce. For one, you do not need an attorney, the divorce is done in private, and issues can be negotiated 1 on 1. You may need an attorney if you can not make an agreement of every issue you negotiate. Disagreements you should be ready for are the grounds for divorce, payment of family debts, visitation rights, division of the assets of the marriage, child support, alimony, custody of the children, payment of health insurance for the dependent, contribution toward educational expenses, and income tax.
It is important that you negotiate all the issues of the divorce before you file for an uncontested divorce. Uncontested divorces are given an identification number and are considered by the court as an issue that will eventually need trial time in order to resolve problem issues in the divorce. This is because until you two get all the issues of the divorce case negotiated your uncontested divorce is considered a "Contested Divorce".
When all the issues are negotiated you can then stipulate to the court to have the matters heard as an Uncontested Divorce or "no fault divorce" matter. The court will then expedite the Hearing then they will hear proof of the agreement of the grounds of the divorce. The proper way to prove the grounds of the divorce is with an Uncontested Divorce form. Id highly recommend you to get your form from legalformsbank.biz for your state's specific up-to-date Uncontested Divorce form. Be aware of sites where you must type in your personal information so they can "generate" your legal form. Not only are you giving someone else your extremely sensitive information that could be used for all kind of identity fraud, your liable to have your money and information taken from hackers who put up legitimate looking sites then disappear off the net without ever giving you your Uncontested Divorce form.
About the Author
Nicholas Fagan is proud to be an author of http://LegalFormsBank.biz providing information for legal do-it-yourselfers. We provide your state's specific, do-it-yourself, printable Uncontested Divorce form. Download your state's Uncontested Divorce form for only $7.95Why Marriages Break Down
Every person who goes into marriage enters it in the hopes of having a joyful and lasting marriage relationship. Yet, many of them sadly end in either separation or divorce. Know some of the common factors to marriage breakdowns before they creep into your marriage.
The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:
1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.
2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.
3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.
4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy
5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!
6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.
7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.
Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
Do James C. Dobson once said that, “There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
About the Author
Lyka serves with her husband in two religious organizations, which are both training and equipping ministries. She's a teacher to her homeschooled kids.She's also involved in an online center for ministry wives. Visit their resource portal at http://mwfrc.blogspot.com
Heavenly Honeymoons--Advice and Tips for That Perfect Getaway!
Getting married is one of the most anticipated and exciting times of your life. And your honeymoon can be the most exciting and romantic trip you will ever take, since it represents a celebration of your love, your new marriage, and the lifetime commitment you have made. How do you get that "perfect" honeymoon? As with everything else that involves marriage, it is vitally important that you talk with your future spouse. Communication between partners is absolutely essential in a strong and enduring marriage--whether it be about financial decisions, the in-laws, or raising the kids. That communication channel can begin with the planning of the wedding ceremony and certainly with the decisions concerning the honeymoon.
Finding out what your future spouse has for honeymoon expectations and matching them with yours is a good place to begin when planning a honeymoon. Do you want to go around the block, or around the world? Do you want the honeymoon to be exciting and adventurous or lazy and relaxing? Do you want to save money, or really splurge on a big ticket vacation? Do you want sunshine or snow? (Hawaii or the Canadian Rockies) Do you want to marry in the same place you plan to honeymoon? Answering these questions can help insure that your honeymoon will fulfill your wildest dreams.
Remember, the best reason for a honeymoon is to rest, relax and regroup after the stresses and rigors of planning and conducting your wedding. The peace of mind which it can bring is worth every penny. Even if you are already living together, you will need to get away and relax after all the work you have done to get to this point. Do not treat your honeymoon like another vacation; it is a very special time! A time to bond, to set new directions, lay out goals as a married couple, and to renew your romance.
According to ancient traditions, the word "honeymoon" is based upon the practice of newlyweds drinking mead, called bride ale, which was produced from fermented honey. This beverage was consumed during the first month (and therefore "moon") of marriage. The fermented drink supposedly increased virility and fertility and, consequently, the first month of marriage was referred to as the honeymoon. It is only within the last 50-60 years, however, that honeymoons have gained wide popularity. With so-called "honeymoon destinations" emerging--Cancun, Hawaii, the Caribbean, Tahiti, Italy, Las Vegas, New Orleans--these post-wedding trips offered ordinary citizens a taste of what it was like to be wealthy. Chances are good that honeymoons are here to stay.
Romance is not just roses and candles. If you are adventurous newlyweds there a many ways to enliven your honeymoon. Scuba diving, snowmobiling, parasailing, skydiving, or couples' bungee jumping are a few of the ways to spice up your honeymoon and return home with unforgettable memories of that golden getaway.
An important word of advice: don't be afraid to mention the fact that you will be honeymooning when you're making reservations for a restaurant, hotel, or cruise. Announce it when you arrive. Tell everyone! You're happy and you're in love. Special accommodations and gifts, ranging from upgraded rooms to flowers or free champagne are often given to honeymooners.
About the Author
Larry Denton is a retired history teacher having taught 33 years at Hobson High in Hobson, Montana. He is currently Vice President of Elfin Enterprises, Inc., an Internet business dedicated to providing useful information and valuable resources on a variety of timely topics. For a cruise ship full of information, resources and advice about honeymoons, visit http://www.HoneyMoonHaven.comSave the Marriage Alone: Where Do You Begin?
Do you know what's missing in YOUR marriage? You want to save your marriage, but you're not sure where to begin. Keep reading to find out the first and most critical step to take when saving your marriage...
Divorce used to be viewed as a sign that you had "failed" at marriage. But in today's society for many people, they see divorce as a sign of freedom. Even those who would consider themselves to be religious and see divorce as being "unholy", are now getting a divorce because it has become more socially acceptible than ever before.
The next generation of children are growing up in broken homes. Instead of dealing with normal issues like puberty and other social issues, children are now faced with parents who start a new life and even a new family of their own.
But most couples don't know any better.
We are all raised to believe that it's simply "tradition" to have a big wedding with lots of people, go on a luxurious honeymoon and then go on your merry way being..well..married.
Many couples actually feel pressured from their very own family members to have a big wedding. Then once the wedding and honeymoon are over, the couple is faced with a large amount of debt from their elaborate celebration.
The first couple years of marriage are usually relatively painless, but as time goes on, the couple starts to get back into their normal routines and eventually they stop meeting each other's "Ultimate Expectations".
Why? Simply because they didn't realize they were meeting them in the first place! The downward spiral that leads to divorce begins when one spouse becomes more discontent than the other. And that's when resentment sets in...along with that "little voice inside your head".
You know the one.
It's the one that says, "Why should I have dinner ready when he gets home, what has he done for ME lately? He comes home, flips on the TV and that's it...no quality time like we used to have!"
...or...
"Why can't she just leave me alone sometimes? I just want to come home and just relax! But all she wants to do is talk, talk talk. I need some peace and quiet for once!"
The big problem is that couples don't realize they're on the "Secret Path to Divorce" until it's too late...usually when one spouse brings up the "D" word or says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".
And that's when I get the call...or in most cases..the email. Most people want to know if their spouse has reached the "Point of No Return". They desperately need to know if there is any hope left for their marriage.
And I don't blame them! When you're struggling with uncertainty, hanging on just a thread of hope, divorce may start sounding appealing for the mere fact that you won't have to worry anymore!
But I don't want you to give up hope just yet.
I've pulled marriages out of divorce court as a judge put a hold on the proceedings insisting that the couple get some help first before they go on with the divorce.
The couples end up tearing up their divorce papers.
I say this to you, not as a promise, but as an indication that anything can happen while the "divorce machine grinds up it's marriages".
So what now?
Well, since it's nearly impossible for me to give you useful advice to help you save your marriage. You can visit http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com to read a wide variety of articles and free advice on marriage that can help you understand what went wrong in your marriage and what you can do about it.
Many couples ask me what the first step is in healing a marriage.
While many books and self help authors have led you to believe that you need to "do good...and then you'll feel good."
(An example of this would be establishing some sort of "touch" with your spouse to try to obtain a physical connection between the two of you. This may mean holding their hand or rubbing their back.)
In reality, there is one huge, gaping hole in this theory.
In one word...contempt.
That's right.
All couples struggling in their marriage experience contempt in one form or another. Hurtful things are said that only add to the resentment and anger already present in the marriage.
Chances are, if you were to attempt to hold your spouses' hand, they would view it as an insincere gesture.
At this point, your spouse is thinking, "too little, too late. If you wanted to hold my hand, you would've done it a long time ago. You've haven't fulfilled my needs for a long time and now it's too late."
So what is the first step you ask?
You need to "feel good FIRST...and THEN do good."
About the Author
If you're wondering, "how can I save the marriage alone", get free marriage advice and a free 30 minute consultation to learn how you can "feel good first, and then do good". Once again, that's http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com I hope to talk to you soon.4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 3
Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 3 of 4.
You are reading the third installment in a series of four articles about rules of marriage. Each rule is designed to move a couple toward better relating and more harmony. If you have missed any in the series, you can find them at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html
Rule 3: Be Kind and Loving
This is a rule that definitely needs some clarification. I don't mean that you have to have warm, gushy feelings toward your spouse at all times. That is not, unfortunately, possible. And I don't mean you won't act in unkind ways toward your spouse. That will happen from time-to-time.
At the same time, I have seen couples treat each other as if they were worst of enemies. There was no sense of "you and me, in this together." Instead, there was a strong sense of "you versus me." And with that comes the undermining of the marriage. A marriage is the decision by two people to come together and act as a unit, be a team, become one.
Yet we often find ourselves responding to spouses in ways that we would never dream about acting toward a friend. I almost named this rule "be civil," because I have said that to so many couples. They will sit in my office and be nice toward me, then rude and unkind toward their spouse, and I would admonish them to "be civil."
Being civil would be level one. The next level is to actually be kind and loving. Which raises the question "how can I be kind and act loving when I am angry? How can I pretend feel love when I don't?"
That, in my mind, is a misunderstanding of what love is about. I use the word "love" as an action verb. Love is something I do, not something I feel. Actions are loving. This is, in fact, one of the major constructs of all the major religions: act lovingly toward those you don't like. In other words, our major religions are noting the potential to act in loving ways toward even our enemies, much less those we love.
I place the action of love in a marriage into two categories. The first is kindness. That would be defined as acting in kind ways -- not calling names, demeaning, insulting, or hurting. Instead, kindness would call for being supportive, caring, concerned.
Loving actions add another layer by asking "what does my spouse need from me in order to feel loved?" We all have a need for love, and by meeting our spouse's needs, we secure the relationship.
The Golden Rule is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The Golden Rule of Love takes that one step further: "love others as they need to be loved." What makes me feel loved does not make you feel loved, and vice versa. So we strive to act in loving ways, but in loving ways that make sense to the other person.
Unfortunately, our tendency, when we don't feel loved, is to refuse to act lovingly. This creates a vicious cycle, and in the end, both feel unloved. Which leads to either acting on automatic or choosing our relationship destiny. On automatic, we run the vicious cycle.
But we can choose to act counter to that. We can choose to act lovingly, even if we do not feel loved at that moment. We choose to act in loving ways because the emotion is absent.
Here is the irony: when we do loving actions, we feel loving emotions. When we wait for the emotions to act lovingly, we get stalled. But by acting lovingly, we begin to nurture our own emotional state. Think back on how you fell in love. Sure, there was likely an initial attraction. But the love came because you did loving actions toward each other. Likely, you chose bigger and bigger actions to express your growing emotions. The emotion of love, put simply, is nurtured by the action of loving. The reverse is not true.
Thus, rule #3 is "be kind and act lovingly." This puts us back into the driver's seat of our relationship's destiny. We take control back from our emotional state, and make a choice on the direction to take.
About the Author
Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 2
Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.
The last article focused on the approach of not taking everything personally (article is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html) But there are several more rules that can help you with your marriage. The next rule is an internal understanding that will transform your external actions.
Rule 2: Honor Your Commitment
This rule may seem obvious, but it isn't always reflected in our actions toward our spouse. You see, our commitment, our promise to be together through it all, is the cement of marriage. We often underestimate the importance of commitment in our throw-away, disposable culture.
Yet powerful psychological shifts happen in a marriage as a result of commitment. Think back to your wedding vows. Most of us took a vow to stay together regardless of how our lives are going. We promise to "hang in there," through thick-and-thin, regardless of how our emotions are running at any particular time.
Think for a moment about the power of knowing that someone makes a promise to get through any difficulty with you. That completely frees you up to work on the relationship, to resolve your difficulties, because at the end of the day, you will be together.
In other words, commitment is the glue of a marriage. In fact, while we may center marriages on lots of other ideals or attributes, this is the one that carries the day. Center a marriage on happiness, and when there is a period that lacks in happiness, there is no foundation. Center a marriage of great sex, and when they fails, there is no safety net. Center a marriage on any particular goal, and when that goal is met (money, kids, careers, etc.), there isn't anywhere to go. But commitment is a continual event, and one that we can maintain by our own choice.
Don't get me wrong. I recognize this is easier said than done, but isn't that the point? Marriage is about consciously choosing the direction of the relationship, rather than being blown by external events and expectations.
Which leads me to one of the implications for this rule: don't threaten to leave or divorce in the midst of conflict. I have seen far too many couples where the basic level of trust between them has been eroded by threats of divorce or one leaving for a period of time.
The effect of this is to undermine the glue of commitment. It basically creates the message that as long as things are going well, you will stay around. But when things get tough, you change the rules and decide to leave. That is not an environment conducive to working out a relationship. It means that one or both people are always on guard of being left.
It reminds me of a book I recently saw in the bookstore on wedding vows. The author, I think with the best of intentions, stated her belief that vows need to be changed to reflect the "temporary nature of marriages." She suggested that a promise could be made "as long as we love each other," or "as long as we want to be together" as a substitute for "as long as we both shall live." That is not a vow! That is basically a statement that "I promise to stay with you until I decide not to." There is not a lot of stability to build upon.
When we make a vow, we assume we have some control over the outcome. If I commit to staying in a marriage, I have control over that. When things get difficult, I can continue to rely on the fact that I made a promise, and therefore, I will work it out.
Which brings me to the second major implication of this rule: a marriage built on commitment means that both people can relax into the marriage and drop the basic fear that the other person is going to leave. By relax, I don't mean "let it go, but rather a realization that fear is not necessary. In fact, it gives me full ownership of the relationship. I am responsible for my half of the commitment, and must make it work for myself and for my spouse. And if both people are willing to focus on the commitment, the reverse is also happening.
So today, make a decision to be committed in your relationship. Don't avoid the commitment, but embrace it as the direction through difficulty. Take a look in the mirror and see someone taking responsibility for your half of the marriage staying together for as long as your vows suggested.
About the Author
Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 1
Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.
How is your marriage doing? Are you and your spouse where you want to be, or are you wanting to improve upon your situation? Marital advice can be found many place, but true help for your marriage can be rare. This series of four articles is designed to give you advice from my years as a therapist. Hopefully, you will find the advice practical for helping you save or improve your relationship. I'll skip the theory and go straight to help.Rule 1: Don't Take Everything Personally
Just yesterday, I was speaking to a couple that illustrated this point. The wife said that if she walked in and said "the sky is certainly blue today," her husband would immediately jump up and say "It's not my fault!"
Part of the difficulty with marriage is that we are in close proximity with the same person for extended periods of time.
We are well-acquainted with the idiosyncracies of that person. And over time, we find shortcuts to communication -- some good and some destructive.
In fact, we do arguments by shortcut, and this generally involves taking things personally. I remember working with a couple that showed this.
They entered into my office in good moods, but told me how arguments never get resolved. I asked for an example.
They looked at each other, and the woman turned to me and said "the lawnmower." With two words, they launched into an angry response with each other! The tide turned sharply, and I suddenly had two people furious with each other.
They took the shortcut to their conflict. And with it, they took the conflict personally.
My first rule of marriage is to not take everything personally.
If a spouse is in a bad mood, don't assume that it is your fault. In fact, you are probably better off assuming it is not you.
We all have some insecurity over our spouse loving us, even in the best of marriages, so when the spouse seems distant or angry, we tend to fear it is about us.
The problem is that when we assume it is personal, we tend to respond in defensive ways. Back to my couple and the blue sky: since he took his wife's comments personally, he was always responding with defensive anger.
The problem with that is it triggered his wife's anger because she took what he said personally.
Suddenly, there was a communication loop that was going back-and-forth between them, escalating the frustration and anger. When that happened, nothing positive was possible.
Rather, they began to assume the worst about the other person and the relationship. Isn't it interesting that when they started with taking things personally, it led to a loss of faith in the relationship? Now, there is a corollary to this rule:
"Take some things personally." Some pop-psychology has gone to an extreme and said "take nothing personally."
But sometimes, we need to hear what our spouse has to say. When a spouse says something critical, harsh, or angry, we can do several things. First, we could ignore it. But over and over, I have heard spouses at the end of a marriage say "why didn't you do something when I told you about this long ago?"
In other words, their spouse ignored some important feedback for so long, it destroyed the relationship (or at least contributed).
Many times, a spouse, at the very end, tries to make the necessary changes, but it happens months or years too late. So, ignoring it won't work. Second, we can respond to everything.
This can be the epitome of taking everything personally. When a spouse seems angry, this person would immediately try to find some way of reducing the anger.
If a spouse says something critical, this spouse would immediately try to change it. Unfortunately, this creates an extremely destructive pattern where one becomes responsible for the emotional state of the spouse, and therefore for the future of the marriage.
Third, and the best option: we assume our spouse's emotional state is not as a result of us. But, we assess whether what our spouse says has merit. In other words, we don't take everything personally, but are open to consider that we may need to change. Using the third option, we start with a less reactive posture. But we don't build a wall that keeps out all suggestions. Instead, we consider the truth of suggestions or complaints made by a spouse, and make changes where necessary.
This could be thought of as a proactive (rather than reactive) stance.
We seek to change what we need to change, but without assuming that everything needs to change.
When we choose to not take everything personally, we regain our own health, and help to restore the help of the relationship. So, seek to not take everything personally, but don't make the mistake of taking nothing personally.
About the Author
Dr. Baucom is a 15-year veteran of marriage therapy. He works day-in and day-out to help people save their marriages. Dr. Baucom is creator of the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage (http://www.savethemarriage.com). He also created an online marriage workshop (http://www.transformyourmarriage.com), and offers podcasts on marriage at http://www.marriagemoment.com.
Visit Save the Marriage at http://www.savethemarriage.com for the best-selling ebook. Or for podcasts to help you with your marriage, go to http://www.MarriageMoment.com
Straight-forward Advice on Marriage that WORKS!
Get advice on marriage from someone who has EXPERIENCED a terrible marriage and turned it around after 27 years. This advice is 100% effective because it’s been PROVEN to work!
Lets face it; if youre looking for advice on marriage, you could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even scratching the surface of all the marriage advice thats out there.
But the sad fact is, thats what most people in your situation dothey RESEARCHbut never ACT on the concepts and ideas they learn about because they come up with excuses for why THEIR situation is DIFFERENT.
Well let me tell you.your situation is NOT different. And as EXTREME as MY marriage wasmy situation was NOT different either
So why am I qualified to give YOU advice on marriage? Because I managed to save my marriageon my ownafter 27 years of fighting, car chases and battles over her way vs. my way.
Our marriage was as bad as it gets.
You see, I married my COMPLETE OPPOSITE. In fact, youd think we were from different planets if you compared our habits, values, priorities and temperaments and thats before you take into account our male/female differences.which brings me to one of the best pieces of advice on marriage that I can give you
1. LEARN THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
When I discovered this critical bit of advice on marriage, it really opened my eyes as to EXACTLY what made my wife happy. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do!
Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Live Languages, makes it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel lovedand what they need from you!
When I found out what made my wife feel lovedI was SHOCKED!
She wanted acts of service of all things! I thought that since I liked words of affirmationthat she would too!
I hated doing acts of service (a.k.a. chores around the house, gardening and repairs) and thats exactly why I wasnt meeting her needs! I didnt realize what I was doing wrong until I read this book.
which reminds meheres another great piece of advice on marriage you need to keep in mind...
Many couples make the BIG mistake of treating their spouse the way they WISH their spouse would treat THEM!
In other words, smothering your spouse in hugs and kisses isnt going to make him/her want to hug/kiss YOU more if what they actually need from YOU is acts of service like taking out the trash or cleaning the house!
If you want to improve your marriage and have your spouse meet your needs, by meeting theirs FIRST, I highly recommend this book. You can find it at: http:www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/gary.html
Now Ive never seen anyone talk about this last piece of advice on marriage, so pay close attention
2. YOU CANT IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE IT FIRST
Many people search for the recipe for a happy marriage, in a quest for a simple LIST of things they can go do and then simply check the items off of their list.
But unfortunately, thats not how REAL married life works. I could give you a long list of advice on marriage that would improve your relationship, but that list wont do you any good. If youre like most married couples, you wont act on ANY advice on marriage until you first feel like doing it FIRST.
Telling you to go do something to improve your marriage is NOT going to make a difference in your relationship when you resent your spouse and feel SO negative that you cant even bring yourself to do it!
The key is actually FEELING LIKE doing something positive for your marriageand THEN doing it.
Believe me; its MUCH easier to do something nice for your spouse when youre feeling optimistic about your marriagethan it is to force yourself to be the first one to take a step towards a better marriage.
Now I know what youre thinking. How do I get to the point where I FEEL LIKE doing something to improve my marriage? Im so frustrated with my spouse right now!
Well, Im glad you asked. I offer a FREE mini-course on How to Overcome Your Negative feelingsthe Moment they Appear. If youre at all interested, keep reading so you can get started on the mini-course right away
About the Author
Larry Bilotta’s FRE.E 7-day email course shows you how to quickly and easily eliminate your negative thoughts, STOP dwelling on your problems and START feeling better about yourself. Just go to http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/selfesteem.html
Where To Go For Sound Marriage Advice
I feel upset every time I hear someone giving counter productive and ridiculous advice about marriage. I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage, but I can still tell if the advice I’m hearing is good information or pure nonsense. Marriage advice is available to those who need it, but sadly, a lot of it is no good. Even the most qualified professional can give tainted marriage advice because they may have their own agenda.
A friend of mine is pretty much at the end of her marriage. She’s very devoted to her religious roots, and has made every effort to save her marriage. The problem is that all the marriage advice and counseling that she has received from different people for over four years has not helped her marriage. I find myself getting upset whenever she shares the marriage advice she has received with me.
If you belong to a church, you should probably go to your pastor or priest for marriage advice. However, you still have to consider the source, even if these people can be great sources for advice and counseling. You see, unless someone is in danger, they will never tell you that perhaps the entire affair was a mistake to begin with. It is quite obvious to me that my friend is in a hopeless situation, but her pastor will not tell her this. The marriage advice he gives will urge her to remain with her husband, unless her life is threatened.
What I’m trying to say is that you should take marriage advice and counseling from more than one source. Move on if you don’t like what you are hearing. If you find someone who tells you that a wife should bow down and be miserable for the sake of her husband, then that person is not seeing both sides. And if a woman counselor seems to be bitter towards men in general, you are going to see this in the advice on marriage she gives. Try to think clearly about what someone is saying to you no matter how miserable you may be.
About the Author
Morgan Hamilton offers expert advice and great tips regarding all aspects concerning Sound Marriage Advice. Visit our site for more helpful information about Sound Marriage Advice and other similar topics.Catch Cheaters Using Software Technology
Technology and the presence of the Internet and other wireless or mobile communication devices within our culture have made the opportunity for cheating and infidelity increase significantly. E-mails, instant messengers, chats, forums, community-based (membership) web sites and mobile phones have made communication with a secret partner a very convenient task. People have become so comfortable using these technologies as catalyst to their covert relationship, but luckily for the victims of infidelity, the modern world of technology is a double-edged sword.
Most of these “cheaters” are so arrogant and naĞ¿ve, they believe they can’t get caught, because of password protection and other privacy related conveniences that come with these technologies. Well, they better think again! Computer stores virtually every action that takes places on a pc, where data recovery experts, investigators and/or law enforcement can easily recover. However, these are expenses or not easily available solutions to the public. Fortunately, today there are so many powerful “spy” software programs like SpyAgent that can monitor ANY and ALL computer and Internet activity, recording IM conversations, outgoing and even incoming email and all web sites visited. Keystrokes and screen shots along with passwords can be easily captured, which makes catching a cheater a much easy and less expensive task then it was before.
Cheating Spouse Information
Shocking cheating spouse statistics and information.
The Internet has proven itself to be a common ground for a cheating spouse. If you suspect your husband or wife is having an affair, you are probably correct.
Take a look at these SHOCKING spouse spying statistics courtesy of usmarriagelaws.com.
85% of WOMEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct.
50% of MEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct.
70% of MARRIED WOMEN do not know about their spouses' affair.
54% of MARRIED MEN do not know about their spouses' affair.
Spouses and lovers have cheated throughout history. Only recently have affairs grown more common because of the Internet. Whether it is a cyber affair or a physical affair, the Internet plays a major role in almost EVERY affair.
The Internet is used in various ways by a cheating spouse. It can be used simply for communication between physical lovers to chat or plan dates. It can also be used as a tool for cyber affairs. A cyber affair is an affair in which all communication occurs via the Internet rather than through physical meetings. With cyber affairs, the Internet is typically used for sexual chats or simply to communicate between lovers.
Does your spouse seem eager to be at the PC when nobody else is around?
If so, then there's a good chance that they are doing something you wouldn't approve of. Too bad you can't setup a video camera right in front of the monitor to see what happens on the PC.
Well NOW you can do practically the same thing. Technology has now grown to combat these types of activities. Most people who have online affairs are not aware that what they do on their PC can be secretly recorded. Software such as AceSpy and InvisibleKeylogger can be loaded onto your PC, which is 100% invisible, and it will capture all the activity they perform while online.
This type of spy software is completely hidden from them, so they won't know it's running. Simply install the software, wait until they use the PC, then go back to the PC and enter a secret key sequence. A password box will popup. Type in your password and you will be able to view what they did!
Also available is spy software such as RemoteSpy and Realtime-Spy which can be installed simply by sending them an email. They will never know it loaded and you can monitor the PC from any web browser by logging into an interface showing you all of the cheating spouse activity.
Note: It is possible for anti-spyware or anti-keyloggers to catch your spy software, so be sure that your security programs are shut off or that your spy program is not detectable before running it.
By Luigi Di Serio and AceSpy.com
About the Author
"Jack of all trades and master of none"... Luigi Di Serio is an ad hoc, freelance writer and web site developer who owns over 100 web sites! He holds a degree in Urban Planning and specializing in strategic business intelligence, security, espionage, sociology and human interactionism (including relationship).www.diserio.com
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is So Strong
Those who encounter infidelity often have a powerful need to know details of the extramarital affair. This article presents 6 reasons.
When you discover that your partner is immersed in infidelity, you may have a powerful need to know. You want to know the details. Maybe ALL the details. When? Where? How? How Often? What was it like? etc.
No. there is nothing wrong with you. In working intimately with hundreds of people like you, ravaged by an extramarital affair, the need to know is very common.
Here are six reasons why you might want to know.
1. The need for validation. If you tend to be intuitive, that is, soak in the signals from others around you and try to make sense of them, you may have this powerful urge to go back and find out what really happened.
Your partner says, "Yes, I was with him/her on that day." You think, "Oh yes, I remember having a feeling at that time, an awful feeling. Now I know what that was about." Or, "I asked you if you were having an affair and you denied it...or turned it back on me with your anger. I thought I was going crazy. Now I know I wasn't.
2. You question your adequacy (and who doesn't when confronted with marital infidelity) and a part of you wants to heal/change those thoughts and feelings.
And so, you venture into the comparative game and ask/think: "What did they do? Was he she better? What was he/she better at? What didn't I do or give? Where do I get stuck emotionally/sexually?"
Sexual interaction is a "window to the soul." Be kind to yourself when you compare. Learn. Often their sexual interaction leaves a lot to be desired. Know as well that your partner's inadequacies will shine just as brightly with the OP (other person) as with you.
3. How bad is it? You want to know what you are up against. What is the extent of the boundary violation? How deeply embedded is my partner in this web? Do I throw in the towel? Will it be possible for me to forgive? How long will this take? How long will I hang in there?
This question is important for the "I can't say no" and the "I don't want to say no" types of affairs. Infidelity behaviors worsen over time with these kinds of affairs. You want to know where in this process is your partner.
4. I get turned on. Yes, knowing the details for some is sexually arousing. Frequently, upon confession of the affair for a couple, there is a discharge of sexual energy.
About the Author
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.comCommon Relationship Problems
The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown in communication between the two partners. No matter what the issues are (money, infidelity, etc.), the real problem is that the two partners haven’t been talking openly to each other about their feelings.
This lack of communication is what makes the problems grow in the early stages and furthermore, what makes them hugely difficult to deal with in the end stages of the relationship. And essentially, whether couples go to workshops together, or therapy, or even answer the questions on a relationship quiz together, the real bottom line for any method is that the two people are talking to each other about their relationship.
Too often, talking to each other means fighting with each other. Relationship problems can’t be solved with yelling and screaming and the main purpose of a workshop, or a quiz or therapy is that there is something or someone there to prevent the yelling and screaming from taking over the process.
The therapist can be helpful if he or she does nothing more than to provide a safe, controlled atmosphere for the couple to talk calmly about their relationship problems. Obviously, if the therapist can make suggestions, comments and offer advice to the couple on how to better deal with each other, this will greatly benefit them and speed the healing process. By merely providing a forum for calm, orderly discussion, the therapist can move a couple off of the path towards a breakup or divorce and back into the realm of hope for the survival of the relationship.
The problems may come from any list – sex, money, quality time, control, outside influences, personal issues, infidelity, fear, listening to and supporting each other, but all of these problems can be addressed, perhaps not solved but at least addressed, through communication with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship problems will win out and the relationship itself must ultimately fail.
About the Author
Relationships provides detailed information about online relationships, long distance relationships, relationship advice, relationship problems, relationship quizzes, interracial relationships, and more. For more information go to Relationships and/or visit its sister site at Troubled Teens Web for related information.Infidelity Recovery for a Relationship: A HUGE Problem
Discover 3 huge barriers that inhibit couples recovering from infidelity to survive the extramarital affair and rebuild their marriage.
There is much information out there about the skills you need to rebuild a relationship after infidelity or other crisis.
But, there's a prior concern. Powerful emotional and cognitive (thinking) barriers exist that get in the way of using those skills.
Your intentions may be good, but eye-ball to eye-ball reality brings tension. The use of your new found skills evaporates and you shrink back to the negative patterns that create mistrust and distance.
Here's the problem: "How in the world do you and your partner get on the same page and begin remaking your relationship after the ton of hurt and distance you have experienced through the extramarital affair or other crisis?
I asked my clients to list 3-4 barriers that keep the two of you apart and stall the healing process.
I had over 9 pages of barriers that they listed. But, from that long I clearly was able to discern recurring themes. Below are listed 3 HUGE problems:
1. You try (very hard) but you don't get much. You ask questions. You probe. You want to know where he/she stands. You want more information. You want and need reassurance...but you don't get it. It seems that the more you try, the more He/she pulls away in his/her typical manner.
2. You back off. You are scared. You are cautious about what to say and do. You don't want to incite him/her. You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You watch and hope for some sort of indication that he/she wants the relationship. But... you are never sure. And...you feel the pain and tension internally. That's where it stays. You suffer quietly and alone.
3. Your eye is on the other person. You give him/her exorbitant power. You feel powerless to a greater or lesser degree. You hate this! You want to be your "self." But, feel stifled, unsure, broken and don't know what to say or do to break through the impasse. If only he/she would do something!
Does one of these make sense for you? Can you see yourself in this role?
Here's a simple exercise to help you move through this dilemma.
List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner's affair or crisis has for you. That is to say, what impact is the crisis having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc?
If you can begin sharing the personal impact of the crisis with your partner, you might experience less tension and beging seeing more progess.
About the Author
Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: Break Free-From-the-Affair.com and Infidelity-help.com. Get articles and free downloads on emotional infidelity, coping with infidelity, the cheating spouse, signs of an affair, surviving infidelity and more.Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is a Cop-out
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”
These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.
Key points:
1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me do it” skit?
2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.
3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need ‘love 101’ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.
4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working. I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.
5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me. I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.
Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.
The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, go to: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
About the Author
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
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