Divorce May Be the Wrong Choice

By Eva Fry

If you are thinking of divorcing your mate, I pray my thoughts will help you reconsider your decision. I believe that most troubled marriages don’t have to end in divorce.

I have been married for almost 48 years. Many times, though the years, I thought of divorcing my husband. I am so thankful I choose to stick to my marriage and to make things work.

Why am I thankful I stayed married to my husband and kept my family together?

1. My husband and I are happy today. I’m so glad we didn’t quite the times we were unhappy. We have had to learn to live with things we didn’t like about each other. We have had to learn to forgive and love, anyway. We have had to find ways to try to keep each other happy. We have even gone for counseling. The times I was hurting the most, I had to ask God to help me love him. One good thing we had was we could communicate with each other even though we didn’t always agree but we did learn to talk things over. Thankfully we were committed to our marriage.

Keeping a marriage together is not an easy task, with each mate being different and having different needs, but if you both really want your marriage to work you will find a way, if you are committed.

2. My family is still a complete unit. We are the same Mom and Dad to our kids. Because of this, our children are more stable than many of the kids of our friends and family members who chose to divorce.

Why do our kids seem more stable than many others whose families divorced?

a. They grew up in a two-parent home. The most important thing, for a child, is to have its own mother and father. They will never be as happy in another situation.

As parents, we are responsible to give our kids the best life possible. Divorce can cause negative experiences they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. If we are not good parents we need to become good parents.

Selfishness is the most common reason for divorce. When we only think of ourselves grave consequences follow. We must become selfless. We must develop the attributes of a loving, giving, considerate and selfless person if we want our marriages to work and our families to stay together.

If you are able to do this you will bless your own life. Your greatest personal happiness will come from your own happy family.

b. They did not have to go from parent to parent, according to how much time the court determined should be spent with each parent.

This is how many children today live. Shuffled from parent to parent. You need to find a way to get along with your mate. Sometimes you are the only one doing all the giving but often that’s just how it is because you are doing it for the future happiness of your kids and your family. Of course there are limits. Some behaviors should not be accepted but endurance is often what is necessary. Often you must wait on God to answer your prayers and teach you the things you both need to learn on how to create a happy family and how to love.

c. They did not have to live through the disagreements and arguments associated with divorcing. I am so thankful my kids didn’t have to experience this.

When we get married and have children we have the responsibility to do all we can to give our kids the happiest life possible. Through divorce I see kids taking on the pains of parents who hate each other and they use their kids as skate goats. Why should any child have to live through war as their parent’s battle it out? If you are doing this you need to fix it. If you live with a contentious person you do not have to respond in a contentious manner. It takes two to fight. You must look at yourself and determine how you are contributing to the war and stop your part in it. Ask God to show you how. Learn to keep your mouth shut or walk away. Learn to talk to God about your hurts and ask for His help. I had to learn this.

d. They didn’t have to adjust to new stepparents or new
stepsiblings. Learning to get along with their own brothers and sisters, in their own family was hard and learning to be obedient to us as parents was hard. My children did learn this.

I have seen so much pain in kids whose parents divorced and brought in new mates and stepchildren who didn’t care for the kids and were often bad people.

e. I believe my children were kept safer. They were under my roof, where I could protect them. If they had to share their life with their father and another wife I would never have know how they were being treated.

I have often seen the new partner resent the kids and treat them badly.

f. They did not have to live in a single parent household. I’m thankful my kids didn’t have to go through that experience and I didn’t have to go through it either.

I see mothers struggle to work full time and care for their families, by themselves. In reality there just isn’t enough time to do both as well as you can do if you have a mate.

g. I was able to be a stay-at-home mom. If my husband and I had parted I would have had to work. I’m thankful I could be there when they came home from school.

So many children come home to an empty house.

How is my personal life better because I stayed in my Marriage?

I’m proud of myself. I’m so thankful that with The Lords Help I did all I could to make my marriage work. I love being married. I have peace in my life that so many others don’t have. I’m thankful that I love my husband today. I’m thankful we have had time to get to know each other, to mellow and to learn about life so our love could grow.
As I look at others who divorced, I recognize that many left their marriages too soon, before they had time to make their relationship work.

I’m grateful to have a companion today. Many divorced people are alone. When you divorce and remarry you take on a whole set of new problems. You may think your life will be better but often you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Life ends up worse, not better. I know there are second marriages and families that do work out but often their second attempt does not solve all their problems. The saddest part of a divorce is that often those who divorce wish they could have their old life back, but it is too late.

I have had a more comfortable life than some of my friends who divorced. Thankfully we still have what we have accumulated together. I’m thankful we were able to provide a better life for our children.

Often finances are the greatest problem in divorced homes.
The divorce forces them to split everything they have and pay a lot of what they have to the Attorney’s.

Please consider the above facts before you choose to divorce.

I am thankful for the times that I stayed with my husband for the sake of the kids. I didn’t want to hurt them. I knew that their needs were more important than mine. It would have been easy for me to walk away but I put my kids first. I remember thinking, “I will leave my husband when the kids grew up,” but when that time came, I had learned to love him more and I didn’t want to leave.

I believe the reason my husband and I have stayed married is because we wanted to stay married. Thankfully we were willing to endure hard times and stay committed in spite of mistakes made by the each of us. We also were aware that we could not expect perfection from the other if we were not perfect ourselves. I especially found that serving my husband was the best way to make things work, even when he didn’t deserve my service. As the years have gone by, he has learned to appreciate me and thank me for my faithfulness, kindness and caring. I have also learned to accept and appreciate him and be aware of the good in him, which I was unable to see when we were younger. We are very happy today and I’m so thankful I didn’t give up before we got to this point. It can take years to get to this point but better late than never and you can give up so much if you quit too soon.

I’m so grateful that when we have family get togethers they have only one Mom and one Dad and I’m so thankful my husband doesn’t have another wife and I don’t have another husband. I can only imagine how messed up things could be.

You may be thinking that your life has been harder than mine and that you have more reasons to divorce than I did. This may be so but I have been through extremely hard times, too. I have endured and survived some of the same things that have caused others to divorce. Through those hard times I have learned and grown and my marriage has become stronger. Sometimes hard times are given to us for that reason so we can truly discover who we are and what we are made of. Also to help us to get to know who our mates really are.

I don’t think God ever planned for life to be easy. I think he intended us to experience trials to prove ourselves to Him and to help us reach our potential. Some of our greatest trials have been the ones we have gained the most growth from.

I encourage any of you who are thinking of divorce to consider the things that I have said. I know that God will help. Some times you are totally on your own in your marriage but He will make up for the things you don’t have in another way, as you wait for things to get better. In the end, if you are faithful, He will bless you.

I also believe that God will help any two people find happiness if they have Christ as the center of their marriage and if they choose to care for their mates and their children more than their own happiness.

I believe God wants families to stay together. Raising a family takes two, the father and the mother. If you both strive to please one another you will become “ONE” as The Lord Intended. I’m sure God intended FAMILIES TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

I am very thankful I stayed married and my family is still a complete unit.

Eva Fry's mission is to help others become better and happier. She is an inspirational author, singer/songwriter/ motivational speaker and seminar leader. Eva has published three books -
"YOU MUST HAVE A DREAM" -for seniors,
"BE A WINNER IN LIFE"-for good kids, troubled kids and their parents.
"LETTERS FROM JUVENILE HALL, KIDS HELPING KIDS" (Actual letters from kids at Juvenile Hall, intended to save other kids from destroying their lives)
She invites you to use the FREE ARTICLES she has written for: at- risk kids
Also FREE ARTICLES of inspiration to help meet life's challenges. http://www.evafry.com
She has produced 7 Music CD's

“Remember” (new music for seniors),
“Oh What Joy Christmas”
“The Little Things” (inspirational country),
“I Love Living The Teachings of The Lord” (Gospel/Christian)
“Savior of Mine” – (Christian)
“God Gave You Intelligence” (for children)

“Classical Style” (instrumental)

Her music and books can be purchased at http://www.evafry.com
Her books can also be ordered at any bookstore.

Her articles have been published, all over the world.

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